Gemini Girl

#Fashion Diaries

February 2, 2012 at 10:16 am · Filed under Fashion Diary

“#fashiondiaries :

f21 short sleeve sweater with bedazzled shoulders (purchased that way!), H&M cotton skirt, JCrew green tights, boots

#fashiondiaries :

JCrew button down, Zara pants, F21 Necklace & Headband (raining outside!), my grandmother’s watch (doesn’t work but I wear it anyway)

#fashiondiaries {must clean top of my mirror!}

Zara mini dress, jeggings, steve madden boots, h&m belt, h&m sweater, f21 necklace

New Glasses & Headband

#fashiondiaries :

black sweater, black pencil skirt, electric blue tights, leopard scarf, brown boots, headband

“#fashiondiaries :

Zara jeans, F21 Tank & Cardigan, wooden necklace, jacket and scarf (again, f21

“#fashiondiaries:

Black Harem pants, tank with black glitter ribbon, Gap Cardigan, f21 ring

“#fashiondiaries

Friday night dinner with family. Black harem pants, white v neck tshirt GAP, black Banana rep cardigan, F21 necklace (also my kid photobombed me)

fashiondiaries :

black top mossimo target, short sleeve grey cardigan f21, skinny jeans, boots, f21 necklace

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My Fashion Diary

January 10, 2012 at 9:25 am · Filed under Fashion Diary

Harem Pants, Black Button down, Tall Boots, Beaded Necklace

Zara mini shift dress, Black f21 blazer, Electris blue tights, Ankle boots, Sequined necklace Aldo

Heart Tunic with Gap sweater vest, jeggings/ Gap tshirt, H&M skirt

Old Navy Cardigan, Long dress shirt H&M, Black leggings, Tall chocolate boots, Beaded necklace, f21 ring

Dress: Primark UK

h&m jeggings, boots, tunic h&m, brown cardigan, bird cage necklace Claire's

Zara Athletic Navy Pants, F21 Print shirt & yellow cardigan, necklace h&m, headband f21

Rocking my old Motherhood cable knit sweater, Benneton jean skirt, tall boots

F21 Print tunic, grey sweater vest h&m, leggings, boots

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Silently Screaming

January 8, 2012 at 4:59 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

I mentioned that I want to start using this platform as a place to vent.

As my diary, the way it once was.

So here goes.

There are days that I am off.

That even the best meds in the world can’t make me smile inside.

Because I ALWAYS smile on the outside.

ALWAYS.

People think I am so chipper.

Nobody can be this chipper all the fucking time.

*****

I’m in a hard place financially right now.

Well, I have been for a few years now.

With a husband in school, and only one income- you get stretched to the MAX.

I feel like I am constantly on a treadmill- walking… running in place- but going nowhere.

All I want to do is scream- I mean how the fuck long will this have to go on???

My husband is an amazing person.

A wonderful dad.

Sometimes though, I don’t like him.

I love him, but I don’t like him. I feel like I am always being picked apart. At home, at work… within myself. I take care of EVERYONE, without anyone taking care of me.

I wish I could take a break from marriage and just be with myself and with my thoughts for a while.

Doesnt everyone feel that way?

Often I wonder if I made a mistake marrying him. He’s a wonderful person, but we don’t mesh a lot of the time. We’re so different. It’s hard. That’s what happens when you marry at 24 after being with the same person since the age of 20. You make a decision that is too big for you. I mean, I’m not saying that I regret it. I love my girls. I love him as well. But I still wonder. I Wonder if people shouldnt be allowed to marry so young.

***

I have been feeling so run down lately. Sleeping so much. I fall asleep at 9pm, and on weekends at 7pm. I know that a sign of depression and what not, but I’ve been taking anti depressant for a year now.

Does it mean they stop working? I need them to work.

I can’t keep this smile painted on without them.

A clown without his makeup, is just a sad soul.

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So, What’s YOUR Number?

January 4, 2012 at 8:43 am · Filed under Curvy Girl Guide, Me ·Tagged curvy girl, new years resolutions

Curvy Girl Guide is launching a new initiative for the New Year: Take Back Your Number! We all make New Years Resolutions that we don’t usually keep, so why not make one you actually can?

I am lucky to be a part of this campaign, and when I was asked for my number.. it took me a while to come up with one. Yes of course, I want to lose 15 lbs or go to the gym 3x a week. I want to travel to a new country this year or climb the Alps (well, actually, I don’t want to climb the Alps it’s hard yo).

As I began to think about it, the first person that popped into my mind was my husband.

This man is a Full time student who gets our girls ready in the morning and makes their breakfasts (because mommy has already left for work). This is a man who is there to pick up his girls from school. A man who showers them, feeds them and then packs them all into a car an hour later to pick me up from the train station.

We need to spend more time together.

As a couple.

When you’ve been with someone for 10 years, you fall into a routine.

It’s normal and natural.

So this year, my number is 12.

I resolve to have a date night with my husband once a month.

Our date nights don’t actually have to consist of the going out to dinner kind. After all, he is a student and money is tight. So a date night can consist of opening up a bottle of wine and watching a movie on our TV while the girls snore away.

It’s important to us as a couple, it’s important to my husband and it’s important to me.

To read more about the CGG “Take Back Your Number” Initiative, click on this link.

So……What’s Your number???

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Living behind the Veil

December 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm · Filed under From the heart

For most of my blogging “career” I’ve been hiding behind a curtain.

Never told anyone I was close with about it.

It was my place to vent- to bitch about everything: my family, my fucked up childhood, my infertility – my world.

The way I see things.

And I hid.

I hid because I can’t tell people things to their faces.

I can’t tell things to my own face as well.

The truth sucks sometimes and blogging has been my therapy for so many years now.

But recently I became a contributing writer for Curvy Girl Guide- an online women’s magazine which I love.

It’s all about loving yourself- empowering yourself and who you are.

And I write.

And my full name is on the site.

And it freaked me out at first.

I never set out to have a name that could be googled.

And traced back.

But here I am, exposed.

And so I linked to a post I wrote on Facebook.

I jumped head first into freezing cold water.

And I’ve received such positive responses from people.. people who I know.

before I started writing for CGG I was thinking of finishing up this blog.

I have been struggling for a while to share.

I’m becoming less and less vocal.

I have struggles.

Just like everyone else.

And I feel like for come reason, I can no longer write about them here.

My secret place is no longer so secret.

It makes me resent it all.

So my new years resolution is this: return to the place when blogging was my diary.

So what if I’m exposed? I need to be real to myself.

What are your resolutions?

- In Advaita Vedanta philosophy, Maya is the limited, purely physical and mental reality in which our everyday consciousness has become entangled. Maya is held to be an illusion, a veiling of the true, unitary Self — the Cosmic Spirit also known as Brahman. -

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Lifestyle Change: Week 19

December 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm · Filed under "Lifestyle Change", Holidays

*Hi*

So it’s been a while since I’ve updated.

It’s cool.

I didn’t “fall off the wagon” so to speak.

I have continued my weight loss journey, although it really is like watching paint dry.

So far in total, I’ve lost 8.4 lbs.

Which is a whole size if you think about it, so not too shabby

Starting Weight: 169.8

Current Weight 161.4

Total Lost: 8.4 lbs

(Goal: 16 lbs more to shed)

And considering that I lost (or didnt gain) during Hanukkah which is also known as the oil based get fat holiday, I am pretty proud of myself.I mean really- everything is fried in oil: Latkes, Sufganiot (Doughnuts)- which are not just jelly filled anymore mind you: there are gourmet flavors now:

Pistachio, Macroon, Halva, cheesecake... yum

(FYI if you want a super easy and yummy recipe click here for my Sweet Potato Latkes recipe at CGG)

Adults don’t really recieve Hanukkah gifts. It’s more of a children’s holiday. Thankfully my girls arent really aware of that so I have yet to receive a gift wish list. As it is, they are so beyond spoiled- I work in Children’s media- I get LOTS of branded crap for my girls: clothes, shoes, games, toys. I keep a lot of it locked away in a closet to give as gifts or to distribute throughout the year, because their little minds will not be able to handle the amount of stuff they can truly have.

Plus, one of my daughters- one who shall remain nameless, has begun DEMANDING things.

Hells to the No little girl.

You are on watch little lady.

Speaking of Hanukkah, my girls had a Hanukkah Party at school the other week:

I’m always the mom holding up her camera. Trying to capture every moment. But I realized something. Sometimes, you are NOT in the moment when you are behind the lens. I am learning to put the camera down more and more. To enjoy the moment, and not try to capture just the right light or movement. Because at the end of the day these moments are so fleeting.

How has your holiday season been? How much weight have you put on?

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Girls I have a Crush On

December 5, 2011 at 9:25 am · Filed under Me

Every so often, I have a lady crush.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that I want to move in with them and have their babies, but I present to you my very eccentric list:

Minka Kelly

1. Minka Kelly: My crush started when she was on Parenthood- not Friday Night Lights. Really, I tried to watch FNL but couldn’t make it through the second episode. It’s very football-y and I am not athletically inclined at all. Minka is super adorbs. So I either want to be her, or take her on a date and get her pregnant.

Sara Gilbert

2. Sara Gilbert: I find her comedic timing impeccable. There is something so cool about her.

: Nicole Richie

3. Nicole Richie: She is my style god. I wish I owned the contents of her closet, but of course, in my size.

4. Lilly Allen: There is something so bad ass about her. She just does not give a f*ck what people have to say about her. Love it.

5. Marisa Tomei: Maybe it’s the Brooklyn thing that we have in common, but she is so feisty! She is an understated beauty and talent.

Who are your girl crushes??

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Thankful.

November 27, 2011 at 12:14 pm · Filed under Thankful

This was my second Thanksgiving in Israel.

I miss the holidays.

I have so much to be thankful for this year.

January:

I am thankful that I admitted to myself that I was depressed. I am thankful that I took the steps to get help. I am SUCH a better mother and person because of it.

February:

I am thankful that I got to go home to New York to visit my friends and family. Although it was a business trip, it was the much-needed breather I needed to fill up my heart. I am thankful that I got to spend time with some of my favorite people while I was there
Miss Annie Spohr

Also? Thankful for being close to family- and being able to celebrate my sister in laws wedding day.

March:

I am thankful for being able to spend Holidays with family.

Purim

April:

I’m thankful that my girls can play and run around outside with their cousins.

May:

I am thankful that I finally mastered bread making!

June:

I am thankful that I had a chance to visit Paris for my 30th birthday, and to have been there with amazing friends who i love.

July:

I’m Thankful that we have a pool for the kids to jump into when it gets hot outside.

August:

I’m thankful for hot summer days.

September:

I’m thankful that my girls are adjusting to school in Israel

I am also very thankful to have celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary with my amazing husband (who yes, can drive me insane on most days)

2005

: 2011

October:

I am thankful for my amazing husband who turned 32 this October. He is the bestest Daddy ever.

I am thankful that my girls can spend time with my grandfather.

November:

I’m thankful that I had a chance to go to London (although it was a business trip):

I’m also VERY thankful that I had a chance to celebrate my daughters 4th birthday… life could have taken a different turn when they were born 10 weeks early..

But more than anything I am thankful for these little girls who brighten up my day.

Every day.

What are you thankful for this year?

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Four.

November 21, 2011 at 8:57 am · Filed under My daughters, Neve

My Neve,

You wake up grumpy in the morning. If it were up to you, you would watch morning TV and go to school when YOU were ready.

You are a character.

You love to make people laugh and smile.

You are always the star of the show.

You jump into things head first.

You are fearless.

You get mad and frustrated often when things dont go your way.

You remind me so much of me as a child.

You are definetly Mommy’s little girl.

You dont warm to everyone- but those you do, you love with all your heart.

I am absolutley in love with you- and we have a love affair only we understand.

You rule our house and you know it.

I adore you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mommy

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Four.

November 20, 2011 at 1:06 pm · Filed under My daughters, Sol

My girls turned 4 last week.. a letter to them.

My sweet Soleil,

She wakes up in the morning with a smile on her face, ready to conquer the world.

She is so easy to get along with that all the little girls surround her when she walks into preschool.

She shares.

She reasons.

“Mommy, can I wear a dress today?” she asks (if it were up to her she would wear one every day!)

She loves clothes just like her mommy.

When I am all dressed and ready for work, she will come over to me and give me a big hug and kiss because she likes what I’m wearing.

When she likes someone she cuddles up on them and lets them stroke her hair.

She’s stubborn like a mule which I think comes from her being a Scorpio. I wonder if she would be less stubborn if she were born on her due date in mid January (which would have made her a Capricorn)

She can drive me to the brink of insanity with that strong will of hers.

She sucks her thumb just like her Mommy did (for the first 7 years of my life!)

She is Daddy’s little girl- there is no way around that.

She is open to trying new foods, but new experiences scare her a bit (like when she ran for the hills when she saw a life size smurf when we were at the premier of the Smurfs movie).

Mature way beyond her years, she seems as though she already knows this world well.

Happy Birthday little lady.

My world is brighter because of my sunshine.