Gemini Girl

I’ve been thinking lots about my cousin lately.

He lives in the same town as I do now.

And yet, I havent really seen him since my wedding day.

Next week is my 5 year wedding anniversary.

5 years since I have spoken to my cousin.

Long story short, he was my husband’s best friend ..they grew up together like brothers. My cousin’s worlds collided when my husband and I got together and there was general tension between us all. Prior to our wedding, my cousin’s attitude was getting more sour- so much so that because of a fight he had with his girlfriend, he didn’t attend our joint bachelor/ bachelorette party. At our wedding, he got drunk and took his girlfriend and they made their way into our bridal/ groom suite. I walked in on them having sex on my veil.

They were pretty drunk.

What came next was shouting, cursing, tears and things that were done and said that are hard to take back.

He was such an important person in my life.. it’s so hard to stop talking to someone you love.

Feelings build… tensions mount.

I mean, how could I not have been hurt?

All I remember were tears.

And pain.

And then it was over.

This blur of emotions.

He was my best friend.

He was my husband’s best friend.

And just like that, he was no one.

He never apologized.

Never.

And I think that hurt me the most.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds.

And yet, here we are, 5 years later… alone. without one another.

One of my favorite singers/ song writers is Gary Barlow.

He has a song out now with Robbie Williams called “Shame”

It’s about their relationship, and how they stopped speaking for years…

The words got me thinking about my cousin.

Well there’s three version of this story, mine, and yours and then the truth.
And we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.
Out of sentimental gain I wanted you to feel my pain,
But it came back return to sender.

I read your mind and tried to call,
My tears could fill the Albert hall.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?

What a shame we never listened.
I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way.
Oh what a shame.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
I wrote a letter in my mind but the words were so unkind about a man I can’t remember.

I don’t recall the reasons why.
I must have meant them at the time.
Is this the sound of sweet surrender?

What a shame we never listened.

I told you through the television.
And all that went away was the price we paid.
People spend a life time this way and that’s how they stay.

Words come easy when they’re true.
Words come easy when they’re true.

So I got busy throwing everybody underneath the bus.
Oh, and with your poster 30 foot high at the back of Toy-R-Us.
Now we can put it down to circumstance our childhood then our youth.

What a shame we never listened
I told you through the television
And all that went away was the price we paid
People spend a lifetime this way
And that’s how they stay
Oh what a shame.
People spend a lifetime this way
Oh what a shame
Such a shame, what a shame

***

And every time I hear it… I think of him

Today, I drove past his house and I saw that he was sitting outside smoking a cigarette.

I had the girls in the car with me, but when I got home I asked my sister-in-law to watch them.

I needed to speak to him.

And so I drove.

My heart beating a million beats a moment, my palms sweaty.

I havent felt like this in years.

I walked up to his house, and he was outside. He was surprised to see me.

I asked him if he had a moment to talk.

He hesitated, but said yes.

He had a version of the story that was so far from my truth.

I had a version of my own story that was unlike his.

He says we hurt him.

I never knew his side.

I don’t think that in my mind there was another version.

And so I apologized to him.

Something I never thought I would do.

I was the bride with the tears in her eyes.

I told him that in his version of the story I sounded like a monster, and in my version he sounded like one.

I hugged him and told him that I hoped we could be friends again one day.

He looked so visibly shaken.

This is a man who is a tough cookie.

We ended things saying, it would take time… but we would try to mend our relationship.

I wonder how my husband will feel when I tell him.

He hasn’t had a real, true friend since his falling out with my cousin.

I think that generally mens egos are so big that neither of them will admit that they were wrong.

I hope I’m wrong.

All I know is that it feels good to let go of bullshit fights and years of pain.

Even if you never do get that “Sorry” that you are looking for, it feels good to be the one who says it.

It feels good to let go of anger.

Is there anyone you want to forgive?

So I have confession to make to the couple of hundred of you who read my blog daily (FYI I still CANNOT get over that there are a few hundred of you! I used to have like 4 visitors a day)…

Any who, us ladies have it rough.

Who says we are supposed to be hairless like Dina Manzo’s cat?

You see where I am going with this?

Fine damn it, I will just say it.

I am of the hairy persuasion.

Take 50% unhairy woman and mix her with a caveman husband and what do you get?

Caveman Me.

100% Cavewoman to be exact.

I started realizing that I was hairier than my peers at around age 10, you know.. when the unibrow formed above my eyes.

I put Bert to shame.

 

Oh, that and my EXCESSIVE leg hair.

Often, people would mistake my legs for leg warmers.

I would wear pantyhose to hide my shame, but there was no hiding those hairy suckers as they would come slashing out of the fabric.

I remember begging my mother to let me shave my legs at age 10.

“No, you are too young” I remember her saying.

“Let’s discuss this when you hit Bat Mitzvah age” (which is 12 to all you non Jews)

Of course, I couldn’t wait.

The summer of my 10th year, I spent a lazy afternoon with a friend. She was 12. An older woman. Her mother let her shave her legs. My friend said she would show me how to shave my legs.

Awesome I thought!

Finally, I will be hair free (HA!)

So she demonstrated on her leg- I proceeded to take the razor and make a clean line from the bottom all the way to the top of my leg.

And I freaked the F out.

So I put the razor down and told her I was too scared my mother would kill me.

Later that day, while talking to my mother and aunt, my mother gazed down at my leg (I totally should not have been wearing shorts) and asked me “Did you shave a strip on your leg?

“Umm yes- but i stopped”

She kept her cool, because there were others around but reminded me that I needed to wait until Bat Mitzvah age.

It took about 5 minutes until that landing strip on my leg was back to full- on leg weave.

Then as I got older, facial hair started forming.

Great.

But mine wasnt only on top of my lip, I had FULL ON side burns.

I put Elvis to shame.

I waxed my arms, shaved my legs, waxed my upper lip and unibrow… but the side burns…. oy, those were freaking bad.

So I tried shaving, which TOTALLY WAS NOT the way to go- it grew in darker and thicker.

A friend of mine in high school called me “wolfman”.. needless to say it didnt help my self esteem.

Then I tried threading, and ultimately landed on waxing.

Waxing is a dear old friend of mine.

The money that I have spent trying to rid myself of all this unwanted body hair is INSANE.

My husband is HAIRLESS.

He has 2 hairs on his chest.. and I am being literal.

I worried that my daughters would inherit my natural born parka.

One did, the other didn’t.

The one that did will SOOOO Hate me.

 I have found the best way to rid myslef of my facial hair is LASER HAIR REMOVAL.

OMG in America it is crazy expensive, so when I got to Israel and realized that I could remove my unwanted facial hair for $800- it was like I hit the lotto.

My husband didnt say ONE word when I went and spent that money, because he knows of my daily war with my hair (body and the afro on top of my head).

Let me tell you, laser hair removal hurts like a MOFO.

 But it is sooo worth it.

Bring on the pain.

Maybe one day, I will look like Dina Manzo’s cat…

*IS there anything on your body that you would love to change? If so, what is it and why. Dude, I wont judge. I just told you I had sideburns like Elvis.

I am currently laying in bed as sick as a DAWG and decided to post.

I mean, what better time to write when you have some free time?

My body ACHES, reminds me of when I was a teen and my legs would hurt and my mother would tell me they were growing pains, and all I could think of was the theme song from ‘Growing Pains’ the TV show. Speaking of which, I totally had a Kirk Cameron poster on my door when I was 7, until my mother decided she should buy me a Christina Applegate poster in her lingerie… which I never ever understood… I mean, yes I loved ‘Married with Children’  (which was WAYYYY inappropriate for me to have been watching at the age of 9 anyway) but she wasnt my favorite actress, nor was I a hormone filled 13-year-old boy.

Some things I will just never get.

Anyway, so as I was saying… my bones hurt. I feel like a rag doll. Even my fingers hurt.

I hope its a 48 hour virus, because Mama does NOT have insurance yet.

Israel has global healthcare, but since we moved here and are considered previous citizens we have a waiting period of 6 months until we are entitled to health care…

I guess I get it, they dont want people to come to Israel, have medical procedures done and then leave…

At least children under 18 are covered automatically without a waiting period.

This whole waiting 6 months thing made me laugh out loud because I am someone who ALWAYS gets sick.

ALL THE TIME.

The nurse at my doctors offices always laughed and said that I should have a punch card.

So I am doing my damnedest not to get sick.

Until now.

So A few minutes ago my husband said he was going out for cigarettes and I asked him to buy me:

1) A King Cone

2) Ices

He looks at me and goes “You’re not pregnant, just sick” which I replied “Yes, but I am sick AND I have my period so it’s the same thing”

I asked for vanilla and he came back with a butter pecan king come which reminds me of the time I worked for a Dunkin Donuts/ Baskin Robins store and my elderly neighbor named Eugene walked in and asked me for a scoop of butter pecan ice cream “My favorite since I was a little boy” he said to me.

I gave him his scoop, and he went off on his way merrily.. he passed a few months later.

So even though I am not a big fan of butter pecan ice cream.. here’s to you Eugene!!