Gemini Girl

Thursday morning was the start of a VERY snowy weekend in NYC. It was as if the snow gods were just pissed the f* off.

On Thursday morning, my husband and I went to our appointment at the fertility clinic. On the way there, it felt as though it was only yesterday that we drove that same exact way- down the same street.

Walking into the office, we were surrounded by MANY people sitting in the waiting room. At that moment, I realized just how different things really are since the last time we were there.

I remember the nerves, the worry…I remember being in their shoes.

I don’t feel like I am in their shoes any longer.

Yes, I need medical assistance to get pregnant.

But the worry and the pain… are no longer resting on my shoulders.

The hole in the pit of my stomach, the uncertainty….

what they feel….

no longer inside.

I have TWO daughters who are blessings from G-D.

And if I dont get another pregnancy… at least I know what it is like to grow a tiny human in my body (or in my case humans).

When we were called into the Doctor’s office, he smiled, and welcomed us back.

I asked him if I could give him a hug.

He said of course.

I hugged him tightly.

There is this amazing aura surrounding this man.

I’m not just saying that because he gave me the most incredible gift that this world can give.. motherhood…. I am saying that because there is something so angelic about him.

G-D works through him.

 And I feel it.

We spoke about our concerns and he agreed that we should only place one in.

The percentage of this working.. not as great as a fresh cycle… not as great as placing more than 1.

But here is hoping for the best.

I have been dreaming about being pregnant lately.

I usually dream of others pregnancies (before they even happen!), but not of my own. I doubt these dreams. I am not as confident as others may be. I dont know if it’s going to work.

He sent us into the ultrasound room to check my lady bits. Seems as though a uterus can shift after pregnancy. I never knew that… though it would make sense.

As we waited, my husband snapped this pic to document this new journey:

Thank G-D you can’t see my lady bits on camera.

Turns out my uterus DID shift, and he did some measurements to see if the blast could be successfully placed.

It can.

He then sent us to the IVF nurses. We were sitting in the downstairs waiting room, where you wait prior to your retrieval and transfer, and it was SO surreal being there again.

On the walls were thank you letters from patients.

I remember scanning the walls as I waited for my transfer 3 years ago… and it made me hopeful. Hey, if it worked for them… maybe it might work for me.

And it did.

This time around, as I looked at the letters… I came across a familiar one.

 My own.

“We walked into your office a couple… and now you have made us a family”… I didn’t even remember writing that, but no truer words were ever spoken.

I just hope this time around it works.

I start my meds today.

Let the journey begin!