When I was 6 years old and spending the summer in my grandparents house in Israel, I would often play with the neighborhood kids.
It was a lot of fun just running around being free.
I grew up in New York and didn’t have much of a backyard… actually, I didn’t have one at all. I longed to run wild and free, so every summer while in Israel, I got my chance.
I remember on one particular day, I was playing with a neighbor who was just around my age. She had older brothers who would play with us as well.
I remember one of her brothers was 12 years old.
I don’t recall too much about what happened, but I do remember sitting on the steps with him- while he confessed that he liked me as more than just a friend. Some sort of emergency sensor went off in my brain. I knew that it was WRONG. He was 12, and I was 6.
Sure, I was in love with Fred Savage who was 12 at the time- but that was a crush.
This pre- teen wanted me to be his” secret girlfriend”. I remember running back to my grandparents house after rambling off some excuse to him about missing an animated program of sorts.
This got me thinking about growing up in a city.
I guess when you are brought up in a city, you don’t have too many opportunities to find yourself being inappropriately propositioned. Our house was an iron wall- no one was to get in or out. My mother did a VERY good job and teaching us to pay attention to strangers and their motives.
When I was 9, my mom was very sick and couldn’t pick me up from the bus stop. I remember having to walk home by myself, and a strange man LITERALLY asked me if I wanted candy. Literally. He opened his palm and showed me candy. I ran away from him quickly. Of course, he may have just actually wanted to share some candy with me. Who knows.
Then there was the store keep who always smiled and winked at me. I knew it wasn’t in a friendly way. You sort of sense sinister from a mile away. I was 8. I remember telling my mother how it made me feel uncomfortable when he did that, and she like a mama bird protecting her young pounced upon him and warned him to not do it again. His excuse in broken english was ” No, I have sons and I wanted to possibly set her up with them when they all got older” - UMM NOT AN EXCUSE PERV. I WAS 8.
So now that we are moving to a big, open community- I worry. I worry that there may be undercover predators who are willing and waiting in the wings to harm my young. I will do my best to teach them about the bad in people (as well as the good) and to ALWAYS trust their guts and remain alert. I hope I manage to do a good job at this, just as my mother did with me.
How do you plan on teaching your kids about evil people?
Nonnie said
I’ve started talking to LG already about “evil people”. She knows that no one is supposed to touch her in her private parts. She knows she’s not to talk to strangers. Yada yada.
The part of this that scares me the most is trying to teach her that while you definitely need to be wary of people that give you the weird vibe, there are also people out there that seem perfectly awesome who are really out to hurt you. 9 times out of 10 when I had a student who had been abused sexually, the parent would tell us about the situation and would tell us that it was done by a relative or family friend that they would have NEVER suspected. My cousin was sexually abused DAILY by her first grade teacher and didn’t tell until she was out of elementary school and no longer saw him every day. This actually happened to one of my former team leader’s children (with an uncle, not a teacher), and she is THE BEST person I know and an excellent judge of character…yet she had no idea. Teaching so many abused kids and knowing friends and family who’ve had abused kids has made me hyper sensitive to anyone around my own children. I assess every single person, even people I would trust with my life.
heather... said
that is SO SCARY! I’m so glad your mom taught you so well. I have total confidence that you’ll do the same for the girls. And then you’ll tell ME how you did it!
Rachel said
When it comes to the sexual predator stuff, it scares me to death. My brother was molested by a babysitter’s boyfriend when he was 5, and the ripple effect of that action…I can’t even tell you. Once he told the family, I lived in fear for years because I truly believed my mom would KILL the man if she saw him.
But one thing about Israel: you can’t walk to the store without the entire neighborhood knowing. I am sure that Soleil and Neve will have their gut instincts, and the rest of the street will have their back…
pillarr1 said
I think I will share personal experiences when Rachel is old enough. I am definitely of the opinion that she is to be suspect of EVERYONE even though there may be nice people out there. Because all it takes is that one person to do you harm. When we are in public she is at the stage where she says “hi” to a lot of people. That is OK for now. But if someone looks shaky she runs the other way. There was this weird looking dude at McDonald’s and she would not go near him. She even pointed at him and yelled. I will have to give this post some more thought.
Anonymous said
” She even pointed at him and yelled.”
LOL