Comments on: No- not everything is perfect like it looks on Facebook.

By: Patti B

Patti B — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:37:45 +0000

I know how you feel – but listen, by the time they are my twins’ age (12) – whoever is giving you the least hard time will be the favored one!! It will be ok

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:02:26 +0000

I hope that you are a little feeling better since a few days have passed since you wrote this. You should be proud of yourself and stop holding yourself to an idealized standard of mothering…it doesn’t exist by the way! Those women on the street have more on their plates than you can imagine. Hang in there!

By: Petals

Petals — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:24:28 +0000

Hi Maya,
i just wanted to thank you for being so honest here. It’s brave and refreshing. I can’t imagine what its like to have twins, but I am pretty sure I’d be feeling the same way. I know photos don’t say everything but I can definitely tell your girls are so loved from those photos you post and for that you should feel like a very proud ima : )

By: Kirsten

Kirsten — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:04:15 +0000

I am late on this but hopefully you’ll still check the comments!

It took me a long time to be thankful to have twins and a long time to admit that. At first, I only saw the negatives and the drain that they put on both me and my husband, which I feel horrible admitting but it’s the truth. I still tell people that the first three months were SO hard, I am not sure how I got through it. Now that they are older and interacting, I am so glad to have them both…but it still gets overwhelming. And, yes, the guilt of holding one while the other looks at you with those pitiful, crying eyes…ugh. It is heartbreaking. But, with me, it wasn’t just this “bang” instant moment where all of a sudden I was jumping up and down, ecstatic about my twins and that I had finally fallen truly and deeply in love. It’s come over time and I know it’ll continue to grow as things continue to get easier (even though I know some things will get more difficult).

You know what else though? I am so proud of myself and my husband and of all parents of multiples because it is a heck of a job. Even though we sometimes don’t feel adequate, the proof is there. I’m not there to physically see your girls but from what I do see, they are very happy little ladies, and very well taken care of. Pat yourself of the back!!! You are doing great…it’s not for everyone and I choose to believe that we were given twins for a reason, because we CAN handle it even when we think we can’t.

Just know that I understand and that it is very evident how much you love your girls.

By: Stacie

Stacie — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 05:27:58 +0000

Maya, try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m pretty sure your feelings are normal (at least I hope so because I feel that way, too). I tend to “favor” one baby (although we call it “specialize”), while dh “favors” the other. It just sort of naturally worked out that way. I think as they get older, and less demanding and more independent, that favoring will even out a little more. Hopefully it will be like Karen says above, and things will turn a corner in a few short weeks.

I know the guilt well, too. It isn’t a pleasant feeling.

Hugs to you as you sort all of this out within yourself…know that I am here to offer support while you do. Mwah.

By: KJ and the kids

KJ and the kids — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:29:13 +0000

Girl you are NOT alone. I know you know this because you’ve heard it before….but I also know how important it is to keep hearing it.
We ALL feel this way. Do you remember how DEVISTATED I was when I found out I was having twins again. All I wanted was to have a perfect, easy, sweet singleton girl. ha ha
I was blessed with healthy twins but twins nonetheless.
We all feel this and I think after that first year mark you suddenly turn a corner. I’m pretty sure it was just after their 1 year birthdays that things started getting easier and fitting better.

I’m sorry you have to work. I don’t have any advice for you there. Just suck up the time you do have with them at night and on the weekends.

I do know that I had to sit down and have a come to Jesus meeting (being jewish, you can have a come to Jahova meeting:) and change my attitude.
Having twins isn’t something you can change…nor can you change the fact that you work full time. Your attitude towards them and your situation is something you do have control over.
Who knows, maybe in changing how you act and feel, it will change how they act and feel.

Just know you are not alone and that we are all here for you.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 04:05:47 +0000

I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. It sounds like you have a good therapist. I need to find one of those!

By: topcat

topcat — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 23:55:51 +0000

Maya. Do you know why I just logged on? To come to your blog, and tell you that I had a dream about you last night. You were in Australia! I was introducing you to Mr TC, and all of my friends. You had come by yourself, because you needed time out. (Your hair looked GREAT in my dream, by the way).

I have been thinking of you for weeks, actually. Wondering how you were going ….

I’m going to email you. Some things I need to say are too private for any blog!! I CAN be discreet! Who knew!

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

By: es

es — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 23:26:27 +0000

I can identify with a lot that you wrote. I LOVE having twins and really wouldn’t want it any other way- but sometimes, when one is sleeping and the other is awake, and it’s just me and that baby, I can’t help but think- this is nice! Cause you can’t snuggle in bed with two babies, you can’t roll around with two babies, you can’t play with two babies at the same time. And I get worried that each child feels fully loved and are given equal attention. There are times when I’m holding one and the other looks at me and cries from jealousy, and I feel so bad.

I also feel like I favor one above the other- but I try not to show it to them (even though they’re only 8 months old and I don’t know if they’re aware of these things). If I take one out of the crib first, I will take the other out first the next time.

It IS hard, and there’s no way you could have prepared for it before having the kids. Hang in there.

By: Daddy Dan

Daddy Dan — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:49:44 +0000

Hang in there, Maya. Things will get better for you, I’m sure. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you’re doing the best job you can do. I agree with others that say it’s an ebb and flow and you’re just in a down period right now.

Wait until the twins start talking and you’re able to interact more with them. I think that will really help in your bonding with them.