Happy 9 months- my brave little fighters.
-Mommy loves you
Archive for August, 2008
Therapy
I finally succumbed to my reason and decided to go see a new therapist.
I had been seeing one for years (you would too if you had a mother like mine) but since her office hours and location were out of the way, it wasn’t very convenient with my new mommy hours.
I have been trying to supress these past 2 years and the hardships I have dealt with -with much strength. Alas, it is not working.
I am lucky enough to have medical insurance which includes therapy- so off I went on a search for a new health care professional. I picked one for the sole fact that it was a woman and that her office was across the street from my work office. Wonderful!
So I went to see her last week, and this morning.
I like her. She’s good.
The problem with that is that I am now raw and naked. I hate being that way. I hate it.
I hate being vulnerable.
But in order to heal, I have to.
I spoke about the things that I dare not speak of.
I fear that I will become like my mother.
I feel emotionally unavailable for my children.
I am in robotic mode… feeding, changing, bathing, playing…. when I am with my girls.
I feel that if I give myself a chance to feel and to think, then I wont be able to operate.
The entire process of TTC and IVF, my grandmother’s passing, Hospital bed rest, then the Premature birth of my girls has taken an emotional tax on me that I have YET TO DEAL with. I brush it all aside, because frankly I just don’t have time.
I feel guilty saying that I am depressed because I have been blessed with two daughters. I mean, I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful family… and yet I am not happy.
Of course my therapist believes it all stems from my mother- which sounds a typical. But my mother really has been the driving force behind who I am today and why I do the things that I do. She is the reason why I never felt like I belonged anywhere… and still feel today. That’s because I never felt as though I belonged in my own home.
For these reasons I am SCARED TO DEATH that I will be a mother like my own. Of course, worrying about it is one reason that I will not be like her.
Heavy stuff.
So I am taking steps to fixing these thought patterns.
I think talking about all that I have been through these last few years will really help me heal in the long run…I just dislike the ride there.
Funny.
Whoopie Goldberg with scratch-off tickets
I came across this picture and just had to laugh. I am pretty sure Ms. Goldberg has enough money to buy and sell me, so why does she have a scratch off ticket in her hands? On a related note: I bought one of those tickets yesterday and won $25.00!!
Movie Review Thursday
So last Saturday night, I went to see The Dark Knight on IMAX.
Obviously I was one of the only people left on earth who did not see the film. I figured there would not be a long line since it was the 3rd week out.
BOY WAS I WRONG.
We arrived over an hour early (we as in my brother, my husband and myself) because my brother’s official nerd radar (he’s a huge nerd) and fellow Internet geeks told him that we needed to be there quite early to get seats. “The last thing you want is to be stuck sitting in the front row in an IMAX theater” – said an Internet friend of his.
The movie was at 8:45pm and we arrived at 7:20pm.
We were probably #200 on line.
While waiting on line, we were worried that we would get stuck sitting in the front row. And after heading the advice from Radioreched46 about sitting too close, we were worried we’d be screwed. My brother took out his geeked out phone and googled IMAX capacity. Turns out an IMAX theater can seat 800!
We breathed a sigh of relief as we made our way to a nice middle row.
One thing I MUST say is- if you are going to see this movie: SEE IT IN IMAX.
The screen was HUGE.
There were scenes that were specifically shot for the imax theater. It made you feel as though you were hovering over Gotham. That being said let’s get on to the review…
Dark Knight:
I thought I would be out of the loop since I didn’t see the first one- but I wasn’t.
I’m not usually an action movie type of gal, but this movie just made you want to see as much car-crashing, hospital exploding, window smashing, face burning as possible.
I was NOT crazy about Maggie Gyllenhall as the love interest. She was a bit annoying in the role and it just made me wonder why Katie Holmes refused to come back. I mean, I know that since she shot the first Batman film, she has become a mother and a wife. I wonder if she feels like the biggest idiot alive that she didn’t partake in what people think will be the largest growing movie of all time.
Christian Bale was great as Batman. I think my loyalty still resides with Michael Keaton (who by the way has disappeared from movies- where are you Micheal?) as Batman. Christian did a great job though.
But of course…..
Heath Ledger did an AMAZING job as the Joker.
What was so great about it was the fact that he played a character so unlike himself. His voice was completely different from anything you would expect. Heath decided to smear the Joker’s makeup on his face to make it look like something a serial killer would do hastily prior to a killing spree(much better than Nicholson’s perfectly lined lips). He just put his all into it . It was as if he morphed into the character. I also believe that the fact that he died added a whole new level of morbidity to the Joker.
I wont lie, I don’t think I would have seen this movie if Heath hadn’t passed away. I think this role (of a deranged killer), coupled with real life tragedy is what peeks your curiousity to see the film . If his last role would have been in a situation comedy- I don’t think it would have been the hit that it was.
Overall I left the theater very satisfied. The film was exactly what I thought it would be.
Grade: A
Wordless Wednesday
This doll could totally pass for her brother
For $60 dollars that doll stayed at FAO Schwartz
Guest Post Tuesday
Today, my guest writer is Heather from the Spohrs. I consider Heather my blogging BFF.
Why you ask? Well I’ll tell ya…
We both have been through pretty much the same year. Our daughters were born 2 days apart and they were all very premature. Me and H-nizzle (cause that’s what I call her- what you got a problem?) have similar personalities and have bonded pretty quickly. She is a HERO in my eyes. Her daughter Maddie- who by the way is the cutest baby of all time (my girls are just as cute though)- was in the hospital for over two months and her prognosis wasnt very good. Heather was told that Maddie was not going to make it.
But guess what? Maddie made it and is making us all laugh with her signature smile. Heather should copyright that face:
Maddie
Anywho… without further ado here is Heather’s guest post:
Despite living on opposite coasts, GeminiGirl and I have bonded over our preemies. They were born just two days apart (my daughter on Nov. 11, GeminiGirl’s girls on Nov. 13), and were almost at the same gestational age (mine almost 29 weeks, hers 30 weeks). We have tons in common besides that, but we talk the most about our girls. We both had to suffer through the NICU, but we like to focus on the positive aspects of preemies. And while of COURSE we would have loved it if our daughters had been born on time, they weren’t, so we must make the best of it!
So now I would like to present to you…
The Top Reasons Why Preemies Are Better Than Full Term Babies!
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You get to meet your baby sooner
Most people have to wait 40 weeks to meet their child, but not the parents of preemies! We get to see what they look like, what their personalities are like, what they like and what they hate much sooner than the parents of full-term babies. GeminiGirl and I had already spent over two months with our daughters by the time most full-term babies are born (Who needs to shell out $200 bucks for a 4-D ultrasound!)!
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You get to watch them develop
I watched my daughter’s eyelashes, eyebrows, and fingernails grow. I watched her get chubbier and longer. It was fascinating to watch her develop on “the outside.”
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Their clothes last longer
This totally doesn’t apply to GeminiGirl’s giant babies! My daughter is still on the tiny size. She’s 8 ½ months old, but she still fits in size 0 -6 months clothes! I have definitely gotten my money’s worth out of all those baby shower clothes, which is great, because some of them were adorable.
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You have an awesome “war story” that will make your child feel special and tough.
My daughter has lots of scars from the many procedures she underwent in the NICU. GeminiGirl’s daughters were teeny tiny when they were born. These are the types of things they will be able to brag about to their friends someday. They are miracles and should be treated like the kick-ass little kids that they are.
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You get extra special attention at the Doctor’s office
Usually when you take your child to the pediatrician, you have to wait in a room full of sick kids. Not preemies! Once the nurse knows you are there with your “celeb”, they sneak you in to the head of the line.
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You can call everyone else’s baby fat
Let’s face it. GeminiGirl lives in New York City. I live in Los Angeles. We know that Thin Is In.Our daughters were thin. When we see an adorably chubby newborn in a stroller on the street, we can gasp and say, “oh my gosh! Your baby is FAT!” The parents will beam with pride over their zaftig bundle of joy while the preemie parent secretly laughs at the diet that baby will some day have to go on.
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Instead of the usual “I went through 32 hours of labor” speech that most parents tell their kids when they’re bad, we’ll be able to say “Hey- I lay in the hospital for 6 weeks just so that you would come out healthy. I had to eat hospital food, have nurses give me a sponge bath in my hoo-ha, had to pee through a tube…” The list goes on and on…
Of course, the best part of being able to write about having a preemie is:
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Our children survived. Sadly, some do not. For the parents of the babies that make it through those rough early days, we appreciate them all the more.
No truer words have ever been spoken Heather….
Maddie
You get to meet your baby sooner
You get to watch them develop
Their clothes last longer
You have an awesome “war story” that will make your child feel special and tough.
You get extra special attention at the Doctor’s office
You can call everyone else’s baby fat
Instead of the usual “I went through 32 hours of labor” speech that most parents tell their kids when they’re bad, we’ll be able to say “Hey- I lay in the hospital for 6 weeks just so that you would come out healthy. I had to eat hospital food, have nurses give me a sponge bath in my hoo-ha, had to pee through a tube…” The list goes on and on…
Our children survived. Sadly, some do not. For the parents of the babies that make it through those rough early days, we appreciate them all the more.
I have been so tired this past week and it is SOLELY due to the fact that last week was just a NON-STOP roller coaster. I have been going to bed at 9pm every night this week. I like sleeping in, don’t get me wrong. I mean I relish more than 2 hours of sleep. I think I deserve it after the crazy few months I had with my daughters as newborns (and Heather is still going through it).
Last week was party central in my household.
Other than working all week, we had company over on Thursday night.
We invited over the new mom with her baby, husband and her siblings and parent’s who are here form Israel visiting the new parents. Her family lives in the same farm settlement as my husband in Israel. So of course we had to invite them over or else they would have went back to Israel and told everyone (including my husband’s dad and family) how unwelcoming we were and isolated.
We also found out that it was the new mom’s birthday so I HAD to get a cake. I mean, you cant have someone over your house who has a birthday without getting some sort of cake. So I did.
Needless to say she was very surprised when I sprung out the cake.
We also got a lot of “wow- you are so sweet for doing that. Mission accomplished: they will say nice tihngs about me to my husband’s family.
The following day I was hosting a Pot Luck in my home. I figured it wasn’t going to be too much work on my end since my friends would be bringing most of the food. Of course I was going to make A dish- but it got out of hand. I ended up making:
A pasta dish/ couscous salad/ Israeli salad/Roasted potato’s/ Grilled Asparagus….. I shouldn’t have made so much bec it kind of defeated the purpose of a Pot Luck, but I don’t have company over much so I wanted to impress. And of course I did… but of course being a hostess is stressful enough.
Here are some pictures of that night:
My friend Oren Dancing at the buffet table.
Riva becoming upset that her brownies didnt look tempting
they were actually a big hit
which meant no one ate my home made baklava
The girls
Oren & Lisa
Riva & I- childhoos bff's
So the following day I took the girls to visit a friend of mine who had her first daughter 5 months ago. I had yet to see her daughter, so we put the girls in their swimsuits and blew up her inflatable kiddie pool (we do live in nyc no room for real pools). The girls seemed to have fun!
Neve being introduced to Elinor
they seem to like one another
getting ready for the pool
me and the girls
Soleil trying to understand why a santa duck is in the pool in July
Neve tipping over
My friend with the girls
The following day we had a rainy BBQ.
Which is why I have been falling asleep at 9pm and missing project runway.
