Gemini Girl

OK guys… I swallowed my pride.

I called her.

I wanted to be the bigger person here.

Considering that she DID NOT call me when she found out I was pregnant (after IVF), and DID NOT call when I gave birth and DID NOT call me to see how the girls were doing in the NICU.

But we will be seeing them next month, and how could you NOT talk about having twins 5 months a part?

She answered and we spoke.

We spoke as if nothing happened, as if the past year of non-speaking hadn’t occurred.

But I felt it.

I felt as if she betrayed me. Not for having twins, and “Stealing my thunder”- but for not being the bigger person to call me when I had given birth.

We spoke about twin pregnancy, that they didn’t tell anyone about it being twins, the fact that she was on home bed rest, and the c-section. Since she had not had a c-section with her first, she said the recovery is horrible for her. I told her it would be really hard the first week, but would pass by the second week. I told her to not be embarrassed to get help from anyone during this time. You know, things that you would say to a friend.

But do I feel as though she is my friend? I don’t know about that yet.

It hurts when someone you loved and confided in turns out to be a person who at the end, you truly didn’t know.

I mean, truth be told- when we do eventually move to Israel, we will have to be staying on the same property as them anyway (my husband’s family has a few acres of land with a two family house where his dad, wife and daughter live; the other apt was his grandmother’s who had just passed away – likely where we will be moving for the first 2 years to save money for a home; and the back lot has a house where his brother lives) it is very communal, and very beautiful.

So we will have to work it out. I mean, our kids will be playing together, you know? It is pretty cool that they are so close in age and that they are all twins. I think I have moved on from feeling jipped, to feeling acceptance.

OK , I mean obviously they didn’t do it to “One Up” us. And I don’t feel jealousy. It’s just, that I finally had a moment in the sun to bask in every one’s attention about my girls (and I love the fact that they are acknowledging that I HAVE children after all we have been through, and all my girls have been through to get here, although they don’t know it). I just don’t want that taken away from us now, before we even get a little bit of it.

I am happy that the children are healthy.

I do feel sorry for her though because she will be taking care of those kids alone. Her husband doesn’t usually lift a finger to do anything. He cheated on her with his boss two years ago. And after everything, she stayed. I really think that them having these children was a way to “salvage their marriage”- but so many people make that mistake.

Anyway, after we spoke, instead of feeling better I felt worse.

I felt cheap. Like I don’t respect myself enough. Like I don’t have pride.

But I have to put that aside now.

What’s done is done.

Anyway, on another topic:

I have def felt a weight loss from this s.b diet that I have been on since last week. My stomach feels like it has gotten smaller. I also know that it has because since the doctor had fixed my belly button when I had my c-section (long story!), the scar that was left has been going inward, toward the inside of the belly (whereas before it was outside).

Anyway, all in all the reality is sinking in of it all.

I am just super excited that I am leaving for my vacation in 3 weeks.