Gemini Girl

Purim

So Purim was fine- not spectacular.

We dressed the girls up in a Elephant & Bumble Bee costumes and headed to my parents house. Neve was not happy in her costume, and Soleil was crying uncontrollably. We only stayed for a few minutes and then headed to my girlfriend’s house. Her children were supposed to be dressed up as well, but since they weren’t feeling well- they weren’t wearing their costumes that night. We stayed by her house for a few minutes and then came home. It was really cold out! Here are some pictures of the occasion:

You see, this is why I hate living in the states, all our family is in Israel- we could have really celebrated and enjoyed their first Purim! What we had was a little time with the grandparents. I’m not knocking my parents- it’s just not fun when you’re on your own- so far away from family.

You served us well
On Saturday we took the girls out for a bit. Our microwave decided to bid us farewell and left this cruel, cruel world. And since no household can exist without one, we needed to buy a microwave asap. We also went to a clothing store nearby and purchased a few pj’s for the girls.

Can you please repeat that?
On thursday evening I went to my OB. He did the post pregnancy exam, and all seems to be well. The funniest thing he asked me- “would you like me to prescribe some bcp for you”? Ha! As if I need them. Of course, stranger things have happened…

SICK
My girls are not feeling so well. First it started with Soleil on Sunday- she was pretty quiet the whole day which is NOT like her at all. She was congested and toward the night she was screaming while she ate (her throat must have hurt) so we tried warm food, then cold but nothing helped. Then I noticed Neve was congested as well. I used bulb syringes on them, and let me tell you- they cried so hard you would think someone was beating them! They are now using their hands as defense mechanisms (when I go to their faces with the syringe). They don’t have fevers which is good- but they seem to have gotten their daddy’s cold.

As for me- I am exhausted! I worked so hard at home yesterday- I need a break from my day off! Sometimes it’s a lot easier to go to work- stay at home mom’s are wonder women in my eyes. I know I work many hours, then I come home and clean. But being home 24-7 is just so much harder.

Bathing Suits

So I got the bathing suits on Friday. I purchased the size 12-18 months. You would think that would fit a 4 month old right? Wrong. They were just right- which means in two months from now, they wont fit! What the hell is wrong with sizes? I would think my 4 month old preemies would be able to wear the size, but apparently not. So I proceeded to go online to order a bigger size, but alas- it’s sold out! How rude! I want to send a letter to the manufacturer or something. That is so messed up. I ended up with these 4:

The one I really wanted was sold out. Oh well.

Chubby Monkeys

I also started putting their small clothes away. It’s surreal to put away clothes that are too small. Everything was soooooo huge on them a few short months ago.

I send pictures of the girls out to co-workers at times- and the responses are always “look at those chubby faces”… and it’s so strange to hear. They were 3 pounds just a few months ago.

If you see them now a person would not be able to tell that they were/ are preemies. And although it’s nice to hear that people think they are chubby-the scared, evil-eye believer in me worries that it will all go away… I worry so much but its below the surface. I mean, I’m not one of those scared moms that are dramatic about everything- like if their skin is red and blotchy, they are congested, constipated etc… My mom is so dramatic- she gets worked up over every little thing- and when she sees me calm about things, it pisses her off. For example, this morning when I told her the girls were a bit congested, she said “Then why didnt you take them to the doctor”?- I proceeded to tell her that they didnt have a fever, and there was no need to go as long as they were eating. She seemed peeved at me!

I mean, after going through the whole NICU experience, the little things don’t get me riled up. Seeing my daughter (soleil) turn blue and stop breathing in front of my eyes (while she was in the nicu)….. that scared the shit out of me. so things are definitely in perspective.

Anywho- told my bosslady about my vacation- she’s totally cool with it. .Load off of my mind. Now, I can plan without worrying.

What to write about?

The other day I looked in the mirror and was sick of myself. I needed a change. So on my lunch break, I went to the hairdresser and got a haircut. Nothing major… just got my bangs cut and angled my hair a bit. I cannot part with the length of it though, not now.

Vacation
So, my father-in-law was supposed to come to New York to finally meet his granddaughters in June. But since his mother passed away last month, he cannot travel for a year (a mourning period in Judaism). That means that we will be leaving for Israel. Knowing that his father was not going to come here, gave my husband the needed push to buy tickets. So we did. 2 adult tickets and two infant tickets. Total? $3,375.00- yeah, that’s before the rental car and spending money.

Oh, and did I mention, that I will be traveling 11 hours by plane with two infants? They will get two bassinets, but since the bassinets aren’t right next to one another, me and my husband will have two people sitting between us. We’re leaving May 22nd, returning June 8th. I would only be missing 10 days of work since it falls on memorial day. We wanted those dates because of memorial day, but also because my husband’s best friend is getting married on June 3rd (one day before my bday). Oh, and my mother will also be in Israel on those dates (since it will be a year since my grandmother has passed, and they have a memorial planned). This way, we wont be stuck without a babysitter. Well, we will be for 4 days, but my best friend has offered to watch the girls for me.

Oh- and to top it all off? I have yet to tell my boss. I will be shaking in my pants. I feel guilty about taking a vacation since I was out for 4 months on bed rest/ mat leave but hey- I do get vacation days too. I just really need this trip. No one in our family (except my parents) have seen my girls. Mind you, I have a HUGE family- and so does my husband. It’s so hard to be away from them.

We will be taking the girls to the beach and just enjoying ourselves. Cannot wait to put them bathing suits! These are the bathing suits I bought them:


I always thought I would never put my daughters in bikinis, I always considered it skeevy. But they are so small at this point that I think it’s ok. Plus, I was given some great advice about not buying a one piece for a baby (since its a hassle to change their diaper in it).

Not sure if its ok to take 6 month olds to the beach or not- not too sure about the rules. And although I HATE the beach, I will take the girls there. I hate getting in a suit, I hate sand, and I hate being hot. But, I am no longer a selifish little girl, and since my husband too enjoys the beach, I will go. Of course, I have already purchased a WONDERFUL dress/cover up for my bathing suit:

One thing about going to Israel, is that I will be seeing my sister-in-law. She is due in a month of two (I dont really know, since we are not speaking) you can click on the link and read why not.

It will bother me seeing her. I was so close to her, and her actions just ended our relationship. I was so good to her. And then, when I was going through my hardest time, she was horrible with me. I mean, she knew that I was finally pregnant, and I didnt even get a phone call! Then I was in the hospital for 6 weeks, gave birth 10 weeks early, and still nothing. Now, she’s having a girl as well. It’s sad that it had to come to no speaking. And no- I will not be the bigger person and talk to her. My honor is at stake. You cant let someoen treat you horribly, and accept it.

Hair Loss:
Neve has gone through quite the significant hair loss lately. She was born with much more hair than Soleil, but now looks like a balding middle aged man. Oh, I have also started losing hair! No one told me I would have a receding hair line once I give birth? Where was all this information when I was pregnant! It’s a good thing I got some bangs now to cover up the war zone that is my hair line.

Bumbo Chair:

They both seem to like it. I prop a pillow behind them to help with their head support. My mother, asked a pediatrician friend about the chair and she says that she doesnt recommend it. I did my own research and I think its ok. I only leave them in there for 2 minutes tops and I am always there with them. I hate how mothers second guess you.
Neve:

Soleil giving me the finger:

Sleep:

They have become much better sleepers, knock on wood.. but they have started giving us trouble when we try to put them to bed. One cries, then the other one begins- they then form a choir. The only way to calm Neve once she starts crying is to put her in her swing, let her swing for a while. This calms her, then we put her to bed. But me and my husband agreed, the more sleep we get, the more tired we are during the day!

Formula:

We switched their formula to Soy last week. If you remember, Neve used to produce very watery stool. The soy seems to have helped! Yeahy! But poor Soleil, still constipated to no end! Not sure what to do anymore. She is a big ball of gas. She is always so cranky!

Punky:

Did I ever mention that I picked up the name Soleil, from none other than Punky Brewster herself? I loved that show as a child, I even had her doll. One day as a teen, I sat in my freind’s car and for some reason her name popped into my mind. I made a mental note, and said that if I ever had a daughter I would name her Soleil. Of course, her name is much crazier.

Purim
Tonight is Purim, I am soooo excited! I get to dress my girls up in adorable costumes and take them out to friend’s. Last night I attempted to make traditional purim cookies called “Hamantash”- say that 5 times fast.
When I say attempted, I mean they were gross.

I am not a baker. There, I said it.

I always wanted to be one since I am pretty good with my hands. I can cook really well, but baking is a whole other relm. Baking involves exact measurments (most of the time) and it’s a damn science. It’s not easy to make perfect dough.

So I decided to print out a recipe called “The working mother’s hamantash”. This recipe is so quick and simple to make, even a monkey can do it. WELL, NOT THIS MONKEY.

I got home a little early, brought the girls into the kitchen with me so that we could bake “together”. I want to be one of those moms who bakes with her kids.

Not sure I will be able to be the mom who bakes though since my finished products are not too tasty. There is always cake mix and cookie dough!

Neve fell asleep ( I dont think she was too into it from the start), so it was just me and Soleil:

I still wanted Neve to get in on the action, so I strategically placed a cookie on her- although she seems to be giving me or the cookie the finger:

My husband took a bite of the cookie, said “It’s not for me” and proceeded to wake to the garbage can and spit it out. Damn, couldnt you just have swallowed what was in your mouth? Why do you have to be so harsh?

This is what a hamantash is supposed to look like:

This was mine:

Picture time!
I purchased a box/ carry on for our trip the ther day (for the girls) and realized that they had a shirt that matched the bag, so of course, I decided to be the photgrapher. Mind you, I took these of Soleil because Neve was STILL sleeping.How cute is she?

But then the little lady decided to wake up, and I put on some bunny ears for her to wear (to get her into the hoiday spirit)

Adorable!

That’s all for now, I will def post some pictures tomorrow with my little cuties!

I think I’m wittier in real life.

Anyway, My boss is out on vacation the entire next week. She and her family are going to Aruba (ahh, the good life), whilst I stay behind. Now, seeing as though I am her assistant, I wont have much to do since she is not here. I mean, she’s a big shot so there are going to be meeting requests, phone calls, general upkeep of her paperwork. But that’s small potatoes. I will be bored out of my mind. Any suggestions on how to pass time?

I mean, do I really need to be here from 9-5:30 when she’s not? I will be staring at the wall.

“Where’s my wine?”
On Thursday I have an obgyn appointment. I haven’t had an internal exam since I gave birth. I only went in a few weeks after giving birth to check on the healing of my stitches (from the c-section) and the DR informed me that he couldn’t do an internal until at least 2 months have passed. So, I of course wait until 4 months. I am so tired. When do I have time to go?

I asked my husband to come along and to bring the girls with him to my appointment. I want my Dr. to see them. He was the best. He gave me sanity when I needed it as I lay on that hospital bed full of doubts and fears.

He was also the one to send me to my fertility doctor.

We had a GREAT relationship, we always made each other laugh and were quite sarcastic with one another. It was also awesome that he delivered me. This doesn’t happen much when you go to a OBGYN practice, whoever is on call is who delivers you. He happen to have been there on his shift when I went into labor.

When I was recovering from the c-section, as I was hyped up on drugs, he said I owed him two bottles of wine (one for each girl). I remembered this (by some grace of GD) and bought him two bottles. As he walked into the exam room, he looked at me and said “Where’s my wine?” and I handed it over.

My mom’s best friend also goes to him, and they were discussing me a few weeks ago. She assured him that the girls were doing fine and he was extremely relieved. So that is why I want to bring the girls there for him to see. I think the girls need to being him a gift. Any suggestions on what they should bring?

“I like your coat”

I think I may have inadvertently hit on a co-worker (one who I had never met before). We were both in the elevator and I glanced at her. She was wearing the most kick-ass coat I have ever seen. I looked at her and complimented her on the jacket. She told me she got it a few months ago. I looked at it up and down and said “I like it”. I think it came across as sexual. Which, I didn’t mean to, since she isn’t my type (that is, if I were into women. But even if I was I wouldn’t find her attractive).There was a weird silence. I stepped off the elevator.

Twin Duty
I am not looking forward to tonight. My husband works Saturdays and that means Mommy is on “twin duty” for most of the night/ next day. Its hard to do it alone. But at least I get to spend some quality time with the girls. I love getting them out of their cribs in the morning. As I pick them up from their cribs, they stretch in my arms, it is the cutest thing in the world! Soleil curls up into a ball and makes a pouty face. I switched their formula to soy yesterday- hopefully it will help them with their digestion problems. They are so opposite. Soleil is always majorly constipated, while Neve’s poop comes out so watery and she goes several times a day (after a test, it was determined that it is not caused by an infection, and she’s gaining weight, so we’re not too concerned).

And for those of you who made it through this blog, I reward you with this picture of Neve:

Super Diaper Baby to the rescue

Random Memory:

I was getting off the subway today and saw a woman wearing blue ribbed pantyhose/leggings. Suddenly, I was transported back in time to the 5th grade. I went to a private all-girl school and we had uniforms.

Much like this one:

(Except I didn’t look so sassy)
We had to wear leggings under our skirts for modesty reasons. I guess I was going through a growth spurt, I was growing taller, but my weight stayed the same. I had to buy larger size leggings. Now, since they would always fall to the ground when I would run, my mother suggested that I wear another pair of underwear on top of the leggings so that they would not fall. “No one will see”- she said. She was wrong. As I was walking up the stairs with my classmates, one of them caught a glimpse of my underwear over my leggings and made it known. Everyone made fun of me for days! I was truly mortified.

Children:

Seems as though Neve is so in love with her new play mat, that it has encouraged her to start grabbing/ hitting the dangling objects above her- on purpose! My mother called me frantically today with the news. I asked if it was by mistake, and she said that Neve had done it several times and on purpose. I was so happy. $60.00 dollars well spent I say.
(Here is another picture of her under the mat just in case you didn’t understand just how happy this mat makes her:)

Of course, Soleil couldn’t care less. All she cares about is pooping, or lack of pooping. She really does.

Yesterday:
I don’t know where my mind has gone, but I miss it and want it back. I completely missed my stop on the subway last night, which tacked on another 30 minutes to my commute. Had to wait for a train going back north, which never came. Ok, it did, but I was tired. At least I only missed one stop. Last month I got on the WRONG train and ended up really far from home. That tacked on an hour and a half to my commute. I wish someone told me just how zoned out you become once you have a baby .oh, and I wish someone had told me about the Sneeze-Pee.

(Of course this picture is not of me. This is a picture of Beyonce riding the B train- my train. I guess she took this picture to show the public “Look, I’m riding the train just like everyone else”. I guess they treated her like everyone else- which is why she is standing. People hate to give up their damn seats!)

Strange Story:

As my regular blog readers know, my family believes in mysticism, or things that cannot be explained. We have mediums in our family, great Rabbis who can pretty much tell the future (i.e when I was ttc and was if, I asked said cousin if I were to be a mother… he looked at his book, made no direct eye contact, laughed and said “oh, don’t you worry.. you’ll be a mother!”- a few months later- twins)
Any who… I digress. My grandmother, who was a very religious and amazing woman passed away in June. She predicted that I would get pregnant with twins when I was if.
This past Monday, my grandfather went to a wedding ceremony, and returned home. As he walked into his living room, he saw that his television screen had been facing the wall, and was upside down- as if someone had pushed it there! Now, keep in mind.. he lives in a very quiet neighborhood with no crime, and there was NO forced entry. That’s all I’m saying. He is convinced- that my grandmother is trying to communicate with him, and believe me- she may have been- knowing her. Eeery.

As I was googling a picture an upside down tv, I cam across this picture:

(How cool?)

Purchased a bumbo* chair for my girls, I wonder how that’s going to go. Will keep you updated.

(Look how happy this baby looks in the chair)

But I suspect my daughters will be more like this:

That’s all for today.

Had a looooong few days!

I had 4 days off. Now, you would think that I would have planned or enjoyed those days. Not so.

Friday, my husband has a day off from work, and I usually work a normal 9-5 mon-fri. Since I had the day off, we decided we would do a little shopping for the girls- they needed clothes desperately, and for my husband. As I was getting dressed for my shopping filled day (which you know I love) I sneezed and apparently strained a neck muscle. I was in horrible pain for 3days! I could not move my neck! I, of course, do not allow that pain to interfere with shopping or my “3-day weekend” so I truck on. My DH massaged my back with Ben Ga*y which didn’t help- it only made me smell like a senior citizen. My scent blended into our first stop- the local diner for breakfast (because you know old people LOVE their diners). We decided NOT to talk about the girls for once, which was surprisingly pleasant (my mother was watching them).
We proceed to BRU and buy the little munchkins an activity play mat (you can click to see which one) since my girls seem to be getting bored with their swings and need more stimulation. My husband and I argued over the rain forest themed play gym, or aqua themed. The nature won out (more colorful).

We then headed over to Ol*d navy. Let me tell you- SALE GALORE.I was in heaven! With my strained neck, I rummaged through their racks like a mad woman. I found so many adorable things for the girls at insane prices. I don’t get those people who spend a ton of money on their kids clothes. They outgrow them so quickly. My friend who has two children herself keeps telling me to buy the girls clothes that are a lot bigger (I.E 9-12 months). I took her advice, and to tell you the truth, the stuff is not so big on them- which makes me wonder the validity of sizes.

We then went to our local 99 cent store so that I could buy a ton of candy. Why candy you ask? Well, the Jewish holiday of Purim is coming up. On Purim, you dress your children up in costumes and give each other baskets of goodies. Next week is Purim, and I purchased my girls the cutest costumes! I will post pictures next week.

Anyway, we continued on a for a while before we got home. I could barely pick the girls up, I was in major pain. That night, while on “my shift” with the girls, I started having horrid stomach aches. Yup, I caught the stomach bug. I was glued to the bathroom in pain for the rest of the night. I told my husband at 3am that there was no way that I could watch the girls- I didn’t want to get them sick. So he took the day off. So instead of Saturday being a fun day for the family, I was sick in bed with a strained neck. My husband apparently resented this and would not stop complaining. A huge fight ensued- and I hated him for a good 5 hours. My parents came by, and we ordered in.

The problem with my father… he seems to outwardly favor Soleil. This makes me VERY unhappy, as I never want the girls to feel like one of them is the “favorite”. Apparently, she looks almost exactly like me when I was a baby, so it takes him back. I don’t care what the reason is… this is something that I do not condone in my household. So, when he pays attention to her, I say- “well, don’t forget Neve”- “what about Neve” etc….
It really pisses me off.

But at the same time, I feel as though my husband and I each gravitate to a different twin. I don’t think its favoritism, but I hate myself for feeling that way. I mean, I know its natural… but I still feel guilty about it. I love them both equally, but differently.

So anyway, on Sunday, we decided to take the girls out. We went to Cost*co, since my husband had never been. Never go there on a Sunday! we say the crowds, went in for a moment, and left.

BTW- I purchased new baby bottles on Friday, and didn’t realize that maybe it was time to switch nipple sizes. My girls have been on size 1 now since they were born. So I bought size 2. My husband said “well, at 3 months they need to be on size 3, so lets buy them”. We did- but I quickly realized that you cant go from a size 1 to a size 3 overnight. It was like their mouths were flooded and they would stop eating- poor things. So I switched them to size 2 for now (but they still seem to be eating less). I guess they need time to adjust.

On sunday, my father proceeded to tell me that my mother has a cold- so I told her not to come watch them on MOnday. I stayed home, and Soleil drove me crazy! I didnt get too much done. I did however paint letters (their names) that have been sitting in my closet for a while. Cannot wait to finally hang them above their cribs.

Oh and Neve loves the playgym. She smiles when she gets under it and starts to talk! It is adorable!

Look how happy she is!

Disclaimer:Ok, I know I am a little late. I have seen many other’s writing letters to their baby’s on their blogs each month, and for some reason it didn’t occur to me to do so. All though they will be 4 months old next week, I will still write about their 3rd month in the world.

Dear Neve & Soleil,

You are 3 months old! I wish I could say time has flown since your birth, but it hasn’t. We have all been through so much the past 3 months. You came way too early. I was scared. i am still scared. I wish I could have kept you inside of me longer, but you and GD had other plans. Your arrival was quick and I was asleep. When I awoke they wouldn’t let me see you for over 24 hours. My heart broke. When I did see you, you were in isolates with breathing devices, tubes and an eye mask for the Billie lights. My heart continued to break. i cried. But not out of “Look, these are my babies. The ones that I have longed for so long”. No. I cried because you were so small and fragile and I couldn’t do anything to help you. In order to hold you, the nurses would have to take you out and disconnect all the tubes. And even after that, I couldn’t really see your face. Who did you look like? What were you thinking? Did you know I was there every single day. No matter how I felt, or how far the hospital was. I was there. I would hold you, feed you, love you. I sang to you. Do you remember that?
When I returned home, you were not with me. I felt like I wasn’t a mother. Like everything I had been through the past few months was a dream. All I had was an empty nursery. No cribs. No furniture. Just an empty lavender room. I painted it lavender when we surprisingly found out you were two girls. A good surprise. Sisters. Something i never had.

When they told me I could take one of you home, I was happy but sad. I couldn’t really feel settled until both my girls were home. I couldn’t run to the hospital two times a day because I had a baby at home. I have never felt guiltier. Did she know I wasn’t there twice a day? That I could only make it in at night with Daddy?

But then you were both home. I said goodbye to my sleep as we settled into a routine. It was very hard. It was two against one (when daddy was at work) but I managed.

I still worry that I don’t give you both equal time and attention. It worries me. But there are two little girls and only one mommy.

You started smiling this month. A REAL smile. Not the gassy kind. Its a smile in response to me.

Yesterday I came home from a long day at work and you were both in your swings. You were swinging away.
I bent down to greet you. You looked at me, and gave me the biggest smile! It was amazing. there is nothing better in the world than your smiles.

You now weigh 12 pounds each
You are wearing size 2 diapers as of this month
You outgrew your 0-3 month clothing, so mommy has to buy more clothes (which she loves to do)
You are drinking 5 ounces
You are smiling
You follow me with your gaze when I walk across the room
You sleep well at night (knock on wood b”e”h).

I do not dress you alike! I refuse for you to be one of those twins (sorry for those who do dress their twins alike!)You are individuals and I treat you that way.

Our nighttime ritual:

We change your diapers, close the light in your bedroom, turn on the princess shaped night light, get your bottles, and feed you in the dark. You eat, grow tired and usually fall asleep. You wake up only to eat.

Neve:
You are my smiley baby! But you are also VERY VERY SUSPICIOUS. You stare at people like they have a hidden agenda. When you sleep and then awaken, you only open one eye- so that we wont know your awake. You want to know whats going on. You don’t like to be held too much. You are very independent and don’t like to be cuddled. You self soothe. You love your crib and love to swing. You only really cry if something is bothering you. You look very laid back so my friend says your very “California”.You have started “talking” to us this month. You say “ay” a lot and like to interact with us- on your terms. You also enjoy talking to us from your crib at around 3am every night. We rush to give you a pacifier so that your late night gab session doesn’t wake up your sister.
You look like your father- there is no mistaking that.

It’s funny how you are darker skinned than me- I mean, you did come out of me. You have beautiful large eyes- that are not like your fathers or mine. You have a lot of hair on your head- and its straight in the front, so I like to spike it up. You look like a rock star that way. Your eyes are a shade of grey. Your father and I don’t have light eyes, nor do your grandparents. The only person who had blue eyes was your dad’s grandmother (your great grandmother)who passed away this month. You are my eldest daughter, and I love you.

Soleil:
You are a handful! You cry over just about anything. You let it be known when you awake, when you are hungry, when you are wet or when you are gassy. You are loud and in charge- much like your mommy (which is why I think daddy gravitates towards you) you like your bling bling pacifier


(Its huge but that’s the only one you will take). You love to listen to music- When you cry, it calms you. You love to be cuddled. When we pick you up from your crib after a night of sleep, you curl up into a ball (which is why i relish picking you up). When you are calm you look around in amazement. You have had a lot of muscle strength in your neck and upper body since you were 34 weeks which makes it easier for you to take in your surroundings. Your eyes make it look like you have Asian ancestry, but you don’t (daddy worries that you may not have been conceived with his swimmers). You love it when we caress your head. You remind me of me in so many ways. You look JUST like I did as a baby, and you seem to have my personality already (I’m in for it!) You are my youngest daughter and I love you.

I love that you each have such distinct personalities. I love learning who you are every day. I love to kiss you both when I pick you up from your cribs in the morning. I love my daughters. I love our family. I am blessed.

With Unconditional Love,

Your Mommy