Gemini Girl

Saturday was nice- we actually took the girls out to BRU and did a little shopping. You cannot enter that store without spending at least $150.00. You ask on what? Ok- (Remember, there are two little ladies at home):
Diapers
Wipes
Formula
Onesies
Etc..

I mean, we don’t really buy too many extra things, but just all of these little items add up to something fierce!
We’re not doing great money wise right now. His dad sent us some money- without us asking for it. He is truly amazing.

We also had a date night. We went out to dinner at a japanese restaurant and decided to not talk about our daughters- so needless to say we sat there in silence for a while

Meanwhile, My husband’s grandmother (his dad’s mom) is on a ventilator and will probably be gone any day now. She is in a coma and her lungs have given out. I feel horrible about this. I never really cared for her much as she was always this bitter old lady. I know that life must not have been easy for her- her husband died at an early age and left her to support 7 kids by herself. Her daughter died suddenly of a brain aneurism at the age of 40. Meanwhile that story in itself is heartbreaking. My husband’s aunt was married for many years to her high school sweetheart. They tried to conceive but couldn’t. Everyone thought she was barren. That is, until one day she decided to tell her family the truth. At the age of 17, she found herself pregnant by her boyfriend and was scared. She knew that her family would die of shame (that’s how it was back then and with this particular community) so they decided to go away to a kibbutz for a few months. She progressed with her pregnancy and gave birth to a daughter. They decided to give that daughter up for adoption. His aunt eventually came clean to her family. The girl grew up and at the age of 18 wanted to know her birth parents. She contacted them and they met. Unfortunately, she didn’t ot have such a great upbringing (her adoptive father physically abused her). When she met her birth parents and her extended family- which is HUGE- she couldn’t handle the overwhelming love and warmth she received and retracted. Other than staying in touch with her birth mother, she has stayed away from my husband’s family. Her birthmother (my husband’s aunt) died a year after meeting her daughter. That’s like a movie of the week.

Back to my husband’s granny: She tried to help raise my husband and his siblings as much as she could when their mother died 18 years ago (she lives on the bottom level of his dad’s home). She never liked me from the start- but I believe that she grew to like me over the years. I just feel horrible. My husband cant go to the funeral, since he cant really leave me alone with the girls at this point. Money is also tight- as he wouldn’t get paid for missing work. It’s hard to mourn a loss so far away- like I did when my own grandmother passed away in June. I so wanted to get on a flight at that time, but my OBGYN said it wasn’t a good idea to travel ion a plane for so long with twins (I was about 3 months along then) and I couldn’t risk losing the babies that I so longed for. So, of course I stayed behind.

On a different note….

Last week I went to a pharmacy to find a certain type of laxative for Soleil. They didn’t carry it but sent me over to the pharmacy across the street. The pharmacy turned out to be a very hippy/ nature based store. They did order what I needed, but that was before I pretty much got the third degree from a crystal wearing hippy. He had asked why I needed to give her a laxative. I said she was backed up. He asked if I was breastfeeding since “Breast is Best”.

I should have clocked him right there and then- I mean, who is this guy and where does he get off asking me if I breastfeed? When I said I didn’t, he asked me why! WOW…. I mean I was taken aback. I don’t know why I didn’t answer “Frankly, that’s none of your business”- which I should have done. I said “well, not everyone can do it when their children are born 10 weeks premature and are in the hospital for 6 weeks of their lives.”

He felt like an idiot.

But I really shouldn’t have given him an answer. I mean, where do people get off asking a woman if she breastfeeds. I feel like that’s such a personal question! I guess many people want to know since there are two of them… but I take offense.

My mom’s friend asked me that question and I deflected it, only for her to repeat her question a little while later. Maybe I feel like that since I couldn’t breastfeed my kids. I mean, isn’t that the most natural thing in the world? Women have been doing that since the beginning of time, and here I am already not feeling very much like a woman. I cant get pregnant naturally, I cant hold my children in for a good amount of time and I cant breastfeed. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like a mother yet. Maybe that’s why this whole thing hasn’t hit me yet. Maybe I’ll feel like a mother when they actually call out for me and smile when they see me… who knows? Im not trying to put myself down… I guess I have just been through a few VERY difficult months (quite the understatement) and I don’t think anything has truly sunken in yet.

Today I have that lunch with the VP of that new division I was telling you about last week. Not sure what she wants to discuss with me… again, I just think it’s more work on my plate. I will update later. (they just rescheuled for tomorrow morning)

oh BTW- I forgot to mention that Soleil slept for 6.5 hours last night! yeahy! She goes 6 hours, then eats… then wakes up every three after that- but hey, thank GD for those 6 hours! Neve did 5 hours, then woke up every 3 hours after that as well. I think that’s because Neve is a pound less than Soleil. Next week I have a pediatrician appointment. I cannot wait to find out how much they weigh now! I went into an online chart and they say that for 3 months, infants should weigh from 9.5-15.4 pounds. My girls weigh around (Im guessing) 11 & 12 pounds now. So that means I dont really have to explain to people before they ask- why they are so small for their age. I guess they arent really too off!

*oh and a mommy question… seems like soleil still has problems making number 2… how classy of me! I havent given her a suppository since Saturday, and my mom helped her push some out yesterday. If we dont help her, its like she cant go on her own. Not sure if I should give her another suppository tonight. I dont want her to get used to them. I changed her formula but its still happening. She is less gassy, I must say- but its still coming out hard. I wish their doctor would come back from vacation soon so he can answer my questions! I also switched Neve’s formula (without the recommendation of my doctor since he was out of town). A few days ago she was screaming bloody murder and curling her tows in agony. So I made an executive decision that I was switching her formula. She hasnt cried like that since, so I am assuming that its because of that. Really should talk to the doctor about that- since their last formula had added iron for preemies and added calories.