Gemini Girl

This morning

Scene: NYC Subway

There were no seats, so I stood holding onto a bar.

Man staring at me.

Man gets up and addresses me

Man: Here, please sit down.

Me: I am not pregnant, but thanks anyway.

Man: Oh.

Me: Don’t feel bad, I just had a baby.

OK, I didn’t say “don’t feel bad”.

Now, why couldn’t I have just declined?

I don’t know what drives me to tell the truth in all situations.

So yes, it happened again. I was wearing new jeans- you know, the wide legged kind. I was proud to finally not be wearing maternity jeans. Now, I am reconsidering my purchase.

Anyway- My husband took the girls to get their RSV shots today.

He weighed them.

Neve weighs 12.8 lbs
Soleil weights 12.12 lbs

I am so happy. Nothing in this world is more important.

He did take soleil to the optometrist today. She has whats called ROP.
She has blood vessels on her right eye. Now there are severe cases that might need surgery, but he doctor doesn’t think that her case is severe and that it might clear up its own. We have to go back in 2 months to check it out.

*BTW, When I tell you guys about being mistaken for pregnant, its not a pity party. I don’t care what I look like now because I just gave birth to the two loves of my life. I just think its funny.

OH- AND YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

This just goes to show you that no matter what the curcimstances of the delivery/ prematurity- if a baby is supposed to live and be well, he will!:

First of all, I’m still in love with Dirty Dancing. I bought it and downloaded it onto my ip0d the other day and watched it on the subway last night. It was awesome.

So, I am on one of those friendship sites… there are many as you know.

m*space, face#book…. I joined after a few friends convinced me to do so to keep in touch and post pictures- since no one in “real” life knows about my blog (except for hubby- I think he reads it when I’m not home)

A guy I used to date “friend-ed” me and I couldn’t reject him. I rejected him in college, so this would not be too appropriate to do. Anyway, he’s a lawyer, is now married and has a daughter that’s a year old. Almost every day- he leaves comments for me. Like, “so, how’s mommy hood?”, or “Do you have a favorite?” giving me little tips and advice.

I didn’t want him in my life the first time around, who says I want him around now?

Plus, he was BY FAR- the worst kisser I ever encountered. THE WORST. So bad in fact, that as I was seeing him in college, I wrote an anonymous “Dear Abby letter” to the campus publication and asked what to do when your dating someone nice but who’s a bad kisser.

Oh, I left out the good part. He was the editor of that paper…I thought maybe he would read it (even though I was anonymous). Turns out, he was the one who answered that letter because “Abby” was out sick that week.

Poor guy made such an effort with me back then, and I was NOT interested. I mean, I wanted to be- he was nice and had a good head on his shoulder (reminded me of Brandon Walsh but sans the hotness)… but there was no chemistry.. at least not on my end. It pretty much ended when I found out that he had sex with a dirty girl I knew. She had no alibi.

She was

U-G-L-Y

and banged every guy in our school. Sometimes I don’t get that. How can a man have sex with a hideous/ dirty girl? When I say dirty, I mean her hair was once oily and instead of washing it- she used feminine itch powder on her head to make it less glossy. Yeah.

It’s like looking at a picture of your boyfriend’s ex and seeing what a dog she was. Then you ask yourself, “What does that say about me?” or “What does that say about him?”

That actually happened when I originally saw a picture of my husband’s ex- she was horrid. Simply horrid.

He said she had a nice personality. I don’t know about that since she went to a witch doctor to have something bad happen to me. But again, that story is for a different day.

I will say this though: my husband’s first ex- was very pretty. I hated her. She dated him all throughout high school from 15-20. At that time I had a huge crush on him, so I LOATHED HER. I even went on a double “date” with them. Of course, it wasn’t a real date since It was my husband, his girlfriend, me and my cousin. I remember we all went to the mall and I got my ear pierced for the 4th time, just to get some attention from him. I actually had to make a hole in my body to get attention from my husband. This is fact.

We all went to dinner that night and I was being my witty self.. and my husband (then friend) looked at me and said, “I never knew you were funny”. Umm, thanks.

So what was I originally saying?

Oh yes.. so this guy wants to be all friendly with me and I am not having it. I don’t think I will answer his next post.

BTW- Drum roll please…………………..

Neve slept 8 hours last night. From 10:30pm-6:30am!

I didn’t want to announce that since I didn’t want to jinx it. She and Soleil slept well the other week as well, and then once I said it out loud, they started waking up every 3 hours. I think they are going through a major growth spurt. I have even upped their formula to 5 ounces since they were not happy with 4.

I have a pediatrician appointment on Saturday.. and I am so excited! I cannot wait to see how big they got (THANK GD).
It’s funny, they are now pretty much the same weight as a 3 month old should be, but without the developmental skills as a 3 month old. Last time I was there, Neve weighed 9.6 pounds, while Soleil weight 10.3. I think I was there 5 weeks ago. They have been wearing size 2 diapers for two weeks now and have outgrown 0-3 month clothing.

I cannot wait to take out my long list of questions for my doctor.. because I have many. The only thing I HATE about him is his policy of : no shots on a well appointment. This means, you have to go back twice! I’m saying he does this to charge insurance twice. That also means my husband is taking them for their RSV shot tomorrow and then I take them for a well appointment on Saturday. You know how hard that is? He is greedy. But he calls back very quickly, was the head of the NICU and cares. Plus, he was my pediatrician so I am nostalgic. Of course, that means double the co-pay.

My husband is also taking Soleil to the optometrist tomorrow. They are checking to make sure something has passed in her right eye. I have no idea what it is… he said it in medical jargon and I didn’t quite understand. The doctor said she may have had it (the thing on her eye) because she was a preemie or because she would have been born like that anyway. Its nothing scary though, so my mind didn’t truly process the meaning. I’m lucky if I remember to put on underwear in the morning.

oh and I am NOT getting along with my mother at all! we have been butting heads a lot lately. If I tell her not to do something when it comes to the girls, she gets all mad. this is why you should not see your mother daily. I do not recommend it.
By the way- no real reason for the picture above of Mayor McCheese.

Today: work cafeteria

Waited on line with my salad… got to the check out counter.

Me: Hello

Clerk: Hi.

He was trying to make small talk as he was ringing up my salad.

Clerk: So, do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl.

Me: Excuse me?

Clerk: Do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?

Me: I’m not pregnant.

Clerk: Oh.

Me: I had twins 3 months ago.

Clerk: (trying to hide his humiliation) umm.. do you have a picture of him?

Me: No. I had two girls. I’m embarrassed for you.

Walked away.

SO, as I was saying… I still look pregnant. I wasn’t offended, I mean I did just have two babies, it will take time for my tummy to go down. I was more embarrassed for him.

there you go.

THE END

So a few things to discuss.

Neve has starting talking. OK, not full words… but she’s babbling and saying “ay” a lot! It is so awesome! She’s even starting to smile- and not from gas! My mom had mentioned it last week and I didn’t believe her, until I got home that day and she was making sounds! On Saturday morning, I went to get her form her crib as she was awake. I stood over her crib and started talking to her. She then gave me the biggest smile! It was amazing to say the least.

Soleil is quieted by music. If she cries, we go by the computer and put on some pop music for her and she stops crying. When the music is turned off, she starts crying again! It is hysterical!
She’s also started babbling, but much less than Neve. Soleil is much more expressive though. On Saturday, I went to bed for a few hours and my husband had tried handling her fussiness- she cried for a while. When I got up and held her she just stopped crying and gazed at me. It was so great- as if she knew I was her mommy and I comforted her! It is truly amazing. My husband says that it’s because at this stage they are comforted by a woman’s voice, much more than a mans (that’s what the books say). Who knows why, but I don’t care what the reason is!

Its so great to finally get feedback from your kids. My girls were preemies and neve has been home since she was 34 weeks- gestational age, so all of this has been a long time coming for us. By this stage (3 months) babies have already given their parents major feedback through smiles and coos.

Ive been taking pictures like mad. I want pictures with the girls, but I am so large now that I hate seeing myself in the pictures- but I know that if I don’t take any of myself with them, I will regret it later, so I give in. Although, I still have a tummy that looks pregnant. I wear a beautiful fat sucker inner every day, but its still there. I cant wear tight shirts, so all my shirts have to be loose on my stomach to at least camouflage my roundness. When will this go away?

Yesterday we decided to bundle the girls up and take them out to the botanical gardens in my city. It was great, but the landscape was filled with snow- which in itself was beautiful. Have some great pictures.

Me and the hubby are home bodies- OR LAZY. When we were married pre-babies, we would stay home on sat nights and Sundays and just chill. These girls will finally get us off our ass*es and start exploring our own city and different activities. If not for us, then for them. Later on, we went by my friend Franny’s house and spend an hour there. My husband got the phone call on his cell that his grandmother had passed away. He too feels torn that he cant be in Israel with his family. It really is hard to mourn a loss from afar.

I leave you with some pictures that we took over the weekend.

Have I ever mentioned my love for the film “Dirty Dancing”? I dont think I have.

It is the only movie I can watch 100 times without ever becoming bored- I probably have watched it 100 times since by age 10 I had seen it 32 times (I counted).

I was 6 when I first layed my eyes on Patrick Swayze. I thought he was yucky. My 9 year old friend had a poster of him on her wall, and I thought he was an old man. I was into Fred Savage- *sigh*- my dreamboy- who BTW I eventually met and made a fool of myself in front of, but more on that later.

She said I just had to watch Dirty Dancing. So there I was 6 years old in 1987 (yes that would make me just about 27) watching the film. It was love at first “Hugry Eyes”. Now granted, I didnt understand half of what they were talking about like:

“Penny is Knocked up”
“A man with a dirty knife and a folding table came in”

and of course the class struggles between Baby and Swayze aka “Johnny”. I mean, why couldnt they just be together?

I still get teary eyed when I here Patrick’s “She’s like the Wind”. How can you NOT love that song?

Not quite sure why my mother let me watch it. It was, after all, Dirty Dancing- and I was in the first grade (I guess then one can ask the question why my mother bought me a christina apple.gate poster for my room.. she was wearing pink lingerie in the picture. Did my mother think that would make me feminine? she did think I was a tomboy-I guess that’s somthing to discuss with a therapist).

I guess Dirty Dancing it was the High Sch00l Musical of my generation- but with sex, abortions, and underground dancing clubs- Take that Disn*ey!

Too bad Jenn Grey had a nosejob- I wonder if she had not had her nose fixed if her career would have been any better. And where is Patrick? I saw him on Oprah a few months ago, dancing away. I wish I could dance. Expecially with him. I know he’s my mom’s age, but if he could still move that way- I would love to be his parter. Of course he would have a bit of trouble lifting me these days

OMG- As I was searching for pictures to post I came across a dirty dancing game!!!!!!!!!! here’s the link:

http://renreynolds.blogspot.com/2007_11_01_archive.html

Saturday was nice- we actually took the girls out to BRU and did a little shopping. You cannot enter that store without spending at least $150.00. You ask on what? Ok- (Remember, there are two little ladies at home):
Diapers
Wipes
Formula
Onesies
Etc..

I mean, we don’t really buy too many extra things, but just all of these little items add up to something fierce!
We’re not doing great money wise right now. His dad sent us some money- without us asking for it. He is truly amazing.

We also had a date night. We went out to dinner at a japanese restaurant and decided to not talk about our daughters- so needless to say we sat there in silence for a while

Meanwhile, My husband’s grandmother (his dad’s mom) is on a ventilator and will probably be gone any day now. She is in a coma and her lungs have given out. I feel horrible about this. I never really cared for her much as she was always this bitter old lady. I know that life must not have been easy for her- her husband died at an early age and left her to support 7 kids by herself. Her daughter died suddenly of a brain aneurism at the age of 40. Meanwhile that story in itself is heartbreaking. My husband’s aunt was married for many years to her high school sweetheart. They tried to conceive but couldn’t. Everyone thought she was barren. That is, until one day she decided to tell her family the truth. At the age of 17, she found herself pregnant by her boyfriend and was scared. She knew that her family would die of shame (that’s how it was back then and with this particular community) so they decided to go away to a kibbutz for a few months. She progressed with her pregnancy and gave birth to a daughter. They decided to give that daughter up for adoption. His aunt eventually came clean to her family. The girl grew up and at the age of 18 wanted to know her birth parents. She contacted them and they met. Unfortunately, she didn’t ot have such a great upbringing (her adoptive father physically abused her). When she met her birth parents and her extended family- which is HUGE- she couldn’t handle the overwhelming love and warmth she received and retracted. Other than staying in touch with her birth mother, she has stayed away from my husband’s family. Her birthmother (my husband’s aunt) died a year after meeting her daughter. That’s like a movie of the week.

Back to my husband’s granny: She tried to help raise my husband and his siblings as much as she could when their mother died 18 years ago (she lives on the bottom level of his dad’s home). She never liked me from the start- but I believe that she grew to like me over the years. I just feel horrible. My husband cant go to the funeral, since he cant really leave me alone with the girls at this point. Money is also tight- as he wouldn’t get paid for missing work. It’s hard to mourn a loss so far away- like I did when my own grandmother passed away in June. I so wanted to get on a flight at that time, but my OBGYN said it wasn’t a good idea to travel ion a plane for so long with twins (I was about 3 months along then) and I couldn’t risk losing the babies that I so longed for. So, of course I stayed behind.

On a different note….

Last week I went to a pharmacy to find a certain type of laxative for Soleil. They didn’t carry it but sent me over to the pharmacy across the street. The pharmacy turned out to be a very hippy/ nature based store. They did order what I needed, but that was before I pretty much got the third degree from a crystal wearing hippy. He had asked why I needed to give her a laxative. I said she was backed up. He asked if I was breastfeeding since “Breast is Best”.

I should have clocked him right there and then- I mean, who is this guy and where does he get off asking me if I breastfeed? When I said I didn’t, he asked me why! WOW…. I mean I was taken aback. I don’t know why I didn’t answer “Frankly, that’s none of your business”- which I should have done. I said “well, not everyone can do it when their children are born 10 weeks premature and are in the hospital for 6 weeks of their lives.”

He felt like an idiot.

But I really shouldn’t have given him an answer. I mean, where do people get off asking a woman if she breastfeeds. I feel like that’s such a personal question! I guess many people want to know since there are two of them… but I take offense.

My mom’s friend asked me that question and I deflected it, only for her to repeat her question a little while later. Maybe I feel like that since I couldn’t breastfeed my kids. I mean, isn’t that the most natural thing in the world? Women have been doing that since the beginning of time, and here I am already not feeling very much like a woman. I cant get pregnant naturally, I cant hold my children in for a good amount of time and I cant breastfeed. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like a mother yet. Maybe that’s why this whole thing hasn’t hit me yet. Maybe I’ll feel like a mother when they actually call out for me and smile when they see me… who knows? Im not trying to put myself down… I guess I have just been through a few VERY difficult months (quite the understatement) and I don’t think anything has truly sunken in yet.

Today I have that lunch with the VP of that new division I was telling you about last week. Not sure what she wants to discuss with me… again, I just think it’s more work on my plate. I will update later. (they just rescheuled for tomorrow morning)

oh BTW- I forgot to mention that Soleil slept for 6.5 hours last night! yeahy! She goes 6 hours, then eats… then wakes up every three after that- but hey, thank GD for those 6 hours! Neve did 5 hours, then woke up every 3 hours after that as well. I think that’s because Neve is a pound less than Soleil. Next week I have a pediatrician appointment. I cannot wait to find out how much they weigh now! I went into an online chart and they say that for 3 months, infants should weigh from 9.5-15.4 pounds. My girls weigh around (Im guessing) 11 & 12 pounds now. So that means I dont really have to explain to people before they ask- why they are so small for their age. I guess they arent really too off!

*oh and a mommy question… seems like soleil still has problems making number 2… how classy of me! I havent given her a suppository since Saturday, and my mom helped her push some out yesterday. If we dont help her, its like she cant go on her own. Not sure if I should give her another suppository tonight. I dont want her to get used to them. I changed her formula but its still happening. She is less gassy, I must say- but its still coming out hard. I wish their doctor would come back from vacation soon so he can answer my questions! I also switched Neve’s formula (without the recommendation of my doctor since he was out of town). A few days ago she was screaming bloody murder and curling her tows in agony. So I made an executive decision that I was switching her formula. She hasnt cried like that since, so I am assuming that its because of that. Really should talk to the doctor about that- since their last formula had added iron for preemies and added calories.

Had a lovely long weekend at home with my family. Usually my husband works on Saturday, but since he’s been having some backaches as of late, he decided to skip work- so we all spent 2 1/2 days together which was nice!

We started putting the girls in their cribs at night. This means all day they are in their swings, or bouncy seats with tv blairing and much noise…. and at night we swaddle them (with their arms out since they go crazy when their arms are constrained), give them a bottle, wait for them to go to sleep in the light (they don’t take well to being put down in their cribs when they are still awake), and then transfer them to their cribs. When they wake up, we change and feed them in the dark. This has been working well the past 3 nights (knock on wood!). They don’t usually whine at night, they just eat and go to bed. I hope this ritual works for the long haul. Soleil slept from 12 am last night to 7am this morning! I know it was a fluke, and not to expect this to happen every night, but it was awesome! I had to constantly check on her at night to see if she was breathing! Neve woke up every 3 hours for her feeding. I wonder when their stomachs will be large enough to be able to sleep through the night (whatever that means).

We had some friends come over Sunday night, which was nice. My friend is French and she’s very matter of fact- she’ll tell you things to your face. She told me I lost weight since the last time they came over- which is always nice to hear. I actually started a “diet” or just watching what I eat these past two weeks since I came back to work. That means, an egg white omelet in the morning, yogurt and fruit throughout the day and a huge salad for lunch. BY the time I come home, I have to go to bed so I don’t eat dinner- which is cool because the salad has been filling me up- a lot of protein in it! I’ve lost about 2 pounds so far. I’m usually used to dropping weight quicker than that- but my body is different now.

All of my life I have been the A-Typical female: always struggling with body issues. Always worried about weight. I think the pregnancy has freed me of some of that. My body produced these two beautiful little girls. How can I complain about it now? I mean, I still hate the fact that my body couldn’t hold my girls in for a few more weeks- that it gave out on me so early. I hate that in order to get pregnant I have to go through so much. But you know what, I know what its like to carry human life inside of me and feel kicking and love…. it’s amazing. So, thank you body.

I know it will take time to lose these 30 pounds that I have gained, but I don’t care. I don’t need it to happen “now, now,now”… I’m a lot more relaxed.

So here are my final 3 lies:

7) I got my period at the age of 15. Most of my friends had gotten theirs at 13, so I was anticipating it. The strange thing is, my boobs developed fairly quickly at age 11, yet my period only came 4 years later.

Lie: I actually got my period at the age of 10! It was a month before I turned 11, so call it 11 if you want- but it was a surprise! I thought I was supposed to get it at 13, since that is when my mom had hers, but I got on the womanhood bus long before anyone in my class.

5)As a child I LOVED cats. I desperately wanted one, but since my mom hated them she refused to let me have one. Every Saturday I would go out to the front yard and put out some type of mil product for the stray cats in the neighborhood.
Lie! Please don’t hate me cat lovers… but I really really dislike cats. There is just something so evil and creepy about them!

6)I hate necklaces. I don’t get why people wEAR such long beaded things around their necks. If I ever wear them (which I rarely do) I feel as though I am being choked.

LIE: I should have posted a picture of the amount of long necklaces I own- I can open up a store! I feel that an outfit isn’t complete without one.

NOW my final truth:

3)My husband is a distant relative of mine. Not blood of course- but he is my cousin’s cousin (which means my uncle and his aunt got married).

TRUTH: People might think it’s weird, but we are distantly related. I mean, there is no blood- we just happen to share three cousins. His aunt and my uncle were teenage sweethearts, and married (they are now divorced). My mom was even at his parent’s wedding back before we were born.Every summer when I would visit Israel and hang out with my cousin, my husband would be around- since he too was their cousin. That’s when I developed a crush on him. He thought it was weird when we started dating, but I had to remind him many times that we we’re not blood relatives.

So Chas won- and her gift is in the mail as we speak!

Here are pics of my ladies over the weekend:

OK- Someone managed to get it right yesterday! So, the contest is over and I will def send a gift to the person who won… I will get her address in a few days.

LIE 1:

1) I had an imaginary friend as a child. Her name was Leona and had beautiful long and straight hair. I always wanted hair like hers… which is why I think I imagined her as a friend.

*Never had an imaginary friend, but I did have many dolls that I communicated with as if they were my friends!

LIE #2
I love my great-grandmother (yes, she’s still around). As a child, I would spend my summers at her house- along with my grandmother and mother. It was great to be around her- she taught me how to make a traditional Yemenite dish called jachnoon (a doughy/buttery bread) Yum!

I actually heavily dislike my great grandmother. She was always very cold and never really acknowledged my grandmother as her daughter (she was her first born- when my great grandmother was only 14, so she didn’t quite have the maternal instinct yet). I always wished I could take a picture with my great grandmother, grandmother, mother and me.. but we have never been in the same room together, she never even showed up to my wedding (yet she did go to her other great grandchildren’s weddings!)

lie# 3

2) I was one of the first people in my high school class to get a car. Because of this, I was like my friend’s personal taxi service. I told them that my nickname should be 555-Maya

* I only got my license at the age of 24! I was a late bloomer in that department. AT 19, I was taking driving lessons- but one night when I was out with my friends, one of them was driving on the highway, and she managed to get us crushed under an 18 wheeler! we are glad to be alive, and thankfully no one was hurt, but I thought I was going to die for sure (while we were headed for the semi-truck). stopped taking lessons then and there… it took me years to get behind the wheel again. I still have never driven on the highway, and clam up when a truck is next to me.

TRUTH :

4)My best friend franny had a heavy dislike for me when she met me. We were in the same high school class. I though she was cool, but she thought I was weird (pretty on target).

Franny was a goody-two shoes and thought I was Goth (just because I wore Doc martins) and wore all black (I did that because I was heavy and black is slimming!) She lived 2 blocks away from me, and one day we shared a cab home on our way back from the SAT’s. She wanted to borrow notes from me for a test and said that we would go get them photocopied later in the day. When I didn’t hear from her, I called her and she said that she had heavy menstrual cramps and couldn’t leave the house. I took the notes, photocopied them, brought her chocolates and chicken soup and went to her house, we’ve been best friends ever since.

I will unveil more in my next post.

By the way, I never got the flowers my husband ordered- it was a mistake on the vendor’s end (don’t use 1800flo*wers) so we got a full refund- how romantic? My husband was like, “You can take that money if you want and buy something pretty”. Yeah. How romantic is my husband? *sigh*

Oh, and Soleil had a good night’s sleep last night THANK THE LORD. I think its because of the suppositories we gave her on wed and last night. I gave her one at 3am, and she fell asleep. My husband went to get her this morning at 6am, and her entire back was covered in you know what! It EXPLODED EVERYWHERE! My poor baby had so much of that in her system, that’s probably what has been bothering her… but I don’t want her to get dependent on them. I had to give her a long bath this morning, and she was loving it!

Her are some valentines pictures from last night. You can see Soleil is sleeping in them (since the night before she pretty much screamed for 7 hours straight) she slept for almost 7 hours last night. We tried to get her to wake up- we tried putting a bottle in her mouth but she made this face:

OK, so everyone is doing the six lies two truths game… I figured I would get on the bandwagon since I have some time. Whoever guesses correctly will win a prize.

1) I had an imaginary friend as a child. Her name was Leona and had beautiful lone and straight hair. I always wanted hair like hers… which is why I think I imagined her as a friend.

2) I was one of the first people in my high school class to get a car. Because of this, I was like my friend’s personal taxi service. I told them that my nickname should be 555-Maya

3)My husband is a distant relative of mine. Not blood of course- but he is my cousin’s cousin (which means my uncle and his aunt got married).

4)My best friend franny had a heavy dislike for me when she met me. We were in the same high school class. I though she was cool, but she thought I was weird (pretty on target).

5)As a child I LOVED cats. I desperatly wanted one, but since my mom hated them she refused to let me have one. Every Saturday I would go out to the front yard and put out some type of mil product for the stray cats in the neighborhood.

6)I hate necklaces. I dont get why people where such long beaded things around their necks. If I ever wear them (which I rarely do) I feel as though I am being choked.

7) I got my period at the age of 15. Most of my friends had gotten theirs at 13, so I was anticipating it. The strange thing is, my boobs developed fairly quickly at age 11, yet my period only came 4 years later.

I love my great-grandmother (yes, she’s still around). As a child, I would spend my summers at her house- along with my grandmother and mother. It was great to be around her- she taught me how to make a traditional yemenite dish called jachnoon (a doughy/buttery bread) Yum!

So tomorrow is Valentines day. Yes, I know it is a commercial holiday created by greeting card companies, but every girl likes to feel special- even if it takes a made up holiday to do it.

My husband does not have one romantic bone in his body. He just doesn’t get it. When we started dating- even up until a few months ago, I would buy him birthday, anniversary, valentines gifts and cards. His response was very lackluster. He says that he is not a materialistic person and doesn’t care for gifts and occasions. It took a while, but I finally got it- I don’t need to buy him anything. Another thing that should have made me stop doing these things is his lack of doing anything for me on these days. When it comes to my birthday, he’ll say “Buy whatever you want”- how romantic?

Is it so much to want to be surprised? I told him that although he has no need for these things, it is important to me- so he should make an effort for ME.

He said he “would try”…I don’t know if its because he’s a guy, or because he lost his mother as a boy (she made them huge birthday extravaganza’s that ended when she died)…

For example, I have been hinting to him for weeks that v-day was coming up. He said he would do something. I asked him if he did anything last night and he said “oops, I forgot”- but then went online and ordered flowers. It takes away the element of surprise when I have to remind him to do something, don’t you think? It aggravates me.

But wait, it gets better…. he calls me today and says “I don’t know if this is a dumb idea, but maybe we should send some vday flowers to our close friend” (a couple who we love)….. IS HE FOR REAL? I told him that he hardly does anything for me without coaxing, suddenly he wants to send our friends flowers ? I mean WTF? I hung up on him.

I mean, should accept the fact that my husband doesn’t care for these things and isn’t romantic? He is actually a pretty great guy otherwise… helps around the house, with the girls, etc. *Sigh*

Ok, lets move on to my mother- because you all knew it would be coming…

My mom is a nice lady. She is. She loves her granddaughters so much and comes over every morning to take care of them. She even lets my husband sleep for two hours when he comes home so that we can have some sort of schedule.

Well, she also wont listen to me. I asked her repeatedly not to pick up Soleil every time she cries because then she will get used to being picked up. I know that people say that she is too young to associate crying to being picked up- but that is SO WRONG in my experience.

My mom, doesn’t care. She pretty much holds her for hours. My mom says its because soleil is fussy and it calms her. I don’t care if she’s fussy- she needs to learn that she cannot be picked up every time she cries.

For hours last night/this morning she cried. When I would pick her up- she automatically would stop. I am serious- every time.

So this morning when I confronted my mom with this, she said that she doesn’t hold her too much (which is BS) and that she doesn’t think that her crying stops when she is held. Just to disprove her, I took Soleil (who was in my arms that moment) and put her down. She started crying that moment. I would pick her up, and she stopped. My mom said that doesn’t prove anything. So I repeated this a few more times, and every time the same result- held baby= calm baby.

Of course, every time I disprove my mother’s theories she doesn’t know what to say and says something stupid like “Well, she doesn’t do that with me”….

I said, it’s fine if she wants to continue doing it- but that means that she will have to be the one that is up with her all night as well- to reap from her fruits.

She takes offense at everything I say. She says “Do you think you grew up all by yourself?” as in, she raised me and my brother so why worry.

Umm, I worry- she didn’t do such a great job with that. Took years of therapy for me to shake her (you know, her put downs over the years) and my brother is still major damaged because of her. He is 30, lives at home with my parents, hasn’t had one normal relationship, is a major mamma’s boy, and has OCD problems- which he is on meds for. She was wayyyyy to smothering with him- and he is the way he is because of her now- and she doesn’t really see it.

I know that at the end of the day, they are MY kids and I will NOT be a mother like she was. Don’t get me wrong, I will take her wonderful qualities, which she has.. but leave the bad behind. But I am worried that they will have habits that are not to our liking.

She’s a very sweet woman, again… its just that she is clueless when it comes to many things. And it bothers me that she kind of doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say… but these are my girls. I should have a say in how they are raised even though I am at work half the day- don’t I?

That’s why I think daycare is better sometimes. Although they wont get the love and warmth that she gives them.I don’t want them to have bad traits/ habits because of her care. I want to be in charge of what is done, what they eat etc. I think she feels that they are her like her kids and she can do what she wants- which aggravates the hell out of me because they are NOT her kids.

I just got off the phone with her now, and she says “well I was just reading a baby book and it says that to comfort a baby when they have gas/cry they should be held”….. she still does not care. I told her that I don’t want her to pick them up constantly- if they are fed and clean- there is NO reason for them to be in her arms half the day.

My fear is that after all, they will think that she is their mom because she spends half the day with them. That’s the worst. That on top of it all, they will listen to her over me. When that happens, they go straight to day care ASAP.

*Btw- I have had a rash growing right below my boobies on my chest for the last week and a half. It even spread a bit to my neck- makes it look like I have a hickey (havent had one in many many years). So has anyone known of any aointments that may work? I dont have time to go to a doctor, get a referal for a dermatologist then go.. so need some over the counter advice.