Gemini Girl

Just when I think I am mad enough at my mother….

I wake up to a phone call from my aunt (who lives in Israel mind you). Now she is my mother’s sister and is like my older sister. We are very similar and we get along very well.

She tells me that she spoke to my mother and that my mother told her that I had taken away her authority to see the girls. I said that was 100% true and went on to tell her my side of the story. She said that she thinks that my mother was in the wrong, but to forgive my mother because she has been through a rough year and is in a bad place (my grandmother passed away in june).

Now the problem is my mother does not think she did anything wrong (thus no apology from her). She goes ahead and tells her sister the story (of course in her version I am wrong) although she did say that I had specifically told her not to bring anyone- so how is she NOT in the wrong?

She did this to herself and if she refuses to apologize to me- nothing will be resolved. If she does not come to me and apologize for not respecting my authority as a mother and being sneaky (by not telling me she had brought her friend to the NICU when I had spoken to her that day knowing that I had told her not to) there is nothing to say.

It’s sad- so of course my morning is now ruined. Its sad when you cant stand your own mother.

** Update: So I decided to call my mother to see if she would apologize- boy was I wrong! All she did was try and justify her actions. When I asked her point blank: “Did I not tell you not to bring anyone with you?” She answered, “So what?”

When I told her my husband too was hurt by her actions- she said he had no right to be and had no say in the matter and should stay out of it. She said that she opened up her home to him when he came here from Israel 3.5 years ago- OK, so what? Does that mean he has no right to be upset when she goes over our heads? Does this mean that he is indebted forever? I told him what she said. I mean, I thought long and hard about whether or not to let him know what she said about him,but that was the only way for him to truly realize and see what kind of woman she is. So I told him and he is even angrier with her- of course he wouldn’t ever say anything to her unless she brings it up. She thinks that everyone should be indebted to her and that she can do whatever she wants.

Needless to say the conversation did not end well- actually worse off. I tried to bet he bigger person, but that cant happen apparently. Not with her. Trying to let it roll off my back… now I need to look into other child care options. Not sure how I will be able to deal with it- since its now going to cost me double (money which I do not have). Thanks mom!

Soleil:

Neve:

I cant wait until they are in the same NICU room when I can finally introduce them to one another…..

Did I mention how in love with them I am?

So I now have a pediatrician for the girls. He was mine!

Dr P was a young doctor just starting out the day I was born in the hospital (same hospital where my girls were born) and was my doctor until I was 15. He was a great doctor- he always made me laugh as a child. Not only is he a great Dr, he was also the chief of the nicu a few years back, so I know he knows what he’s doing with preemies.

I gave his office a call yesterday and he called me back. I don’t think he remembers me, I mean he has had many many children come through those office doors in the past 26 years. When I mentioned my mother though- he remembered her (my mother claimed he would remember her since she says he used to check her out- I guess she was right). He went to check on my girls in the NICU this morning before going to a neonatal convention in Washington this afternoon.

I went this afternoon with my father to bru and he bought us a double stroller. Afterwards we went to the NICU. While I was visiting Soleil, her nurse said that my mother had been there earlier with a friend. That was it. I lost it.

My issues with my mother will NEVER go away. I specifically asked her not to bring anyone with her to the nicu. I specifically told her that once the girls were out of the hospital then her friends were more than welcome to see them. But does the woman care about my wishes? No- she goes above my head and brings people along with her to the nicu. Are my daughters in the circus? Do my wishes mean anything to her? No, I guess they don’t.

My nicu’s rules for visitors are that no one can visit the babies without the parents unless their id’s were photocopied and I signed that I allow them to visit without me. I did this with my mother- so how did her friend get in? My mom snuck her friend in! The nurse said she let her in because she knew she was my mother and that my mom begged her. I asked her how she allowed someone else in that I did not allow and she didn’t know what to say. I was

When I went upstairs to visit neve, I asked her nurse if she allowed my mother in with her friend because I did not allow it. She said that she told my mother that she could not bring in anyone that I did not sign for unless she calls me and I let the nurse know over the phone that its ok- which my mom did not do since she knows that I did not want anyone seeing them. Since my mother does not care about my wishes, I decided to tell them to remove her name from the visitors list- she is no longer welcome to visit the girls without me. That might sound harsh, but that’s the only way she will learn. I called her and informed her of this and said that since she does not respect my wishes, she will not see the girls. I hung up on her and she left me a very nasty voice message.

It hurts that this is the type of relationship that I have with my mother. I now know the love of a mother to a daughter…. and just to think that we don’t get along hurts me. But she will never change and I cannot accept her behavior.

She keeps saying that I need her- since she will be taking care of my girls when I go back to work, but I would rather pay a stranger more money to take care of my children then have someone not respect my wishes. She keeps pulling out the caregiver card over and over again to hold over my head- and I will NOT take it. I do not need her. Not on her terms.