Me so tired……
So I read somewhere that new parents lose 720 hours of sleep a year. How much does that equate to with twins?
Of course my Soleil still isn’t even home yet. Yesterday when we went for the 8pm feeding, the nurse had told me that she had a few desats. Her heart rate drops while she eats and her breathing slows. Now, by this point the episodes should be dropping, but in her case they don’t seem to be. I asked the nurse to call a doctor so that I could talk to them.
A resident comes up, with absolutely no information. She pretty much says that Soleil will just continue to be monitored and that she may come home with an apnea machine. Meanwhile, my pediatrician (who goes to the NICU daily and was the chief of that NICU for many years) said that she wont come home until she no longer has those episodes and therefore wont need the apnea machine. So much conflicting information and the resident seemed unaware and green. I told her I needed more than just a surface answer. She didn’t have any- she kind of just shrugged.
So we fed Soleil and headed downstairs to the main NICU to find an attending. It’s much easier to find waldo than it is to find an attending doctor.
The receptionist called and found an attending and she comes in to see us (I suspect she came in quickly because she thinks we are a sweet couple- I did buy everyone in the NICU a big box of donuts the other day). She said that most babies outgrow the apnea’s by 37 weeks (which is a week and a half away) and if she doesn’t, than they will look into other causes. She also said that they could send her home with an apnea machine- if I were comfortable. I am not. I do not want her home with this problem because I do not feel equipped to handle a non-breathing baby situation when I have another baby at home. The doctor said that it is a plus that the lowering of the heart rate and desaturation in breathing happens only during feedings and poops (and not randomly during sleep thank GD).
So yeah, she just needs to be monitored. I mean, I know that there are babies whose situations are much more dire, and my questions and worries seem so small for everyone- but this is still my daughter- and she is not yet home. And I worry. I sit at home and cannot truly enjoy Neve because Soleil isn’t here. When I am in the hospital with Soleil, I worry about Neve being home. I just cant seem to rest.
On top of all of this, I just found out that my 12 week maternity leave was cut down to 8 weeks. It seems that my 4-5 week hospital bedrest ate up my short term disability/ fmla. This would put me back to work on Jan 8th! I am not prepared for that especially since soleil isn’t home. I spoke to my HR and she suggested that I ask my boss to approve a personal leave for the 4 weeks. I emailed my boss and have not heard back from her yet. I don’t think she would find that to be a problem since she herself told me a few weeks ago in an email to take my time coming back and that she would love to come to my home to visit the girls. But it makes me nervous that she has yet to answer my email.
You know what though? A part of me cant wait to go back to work to get my life a bit back to normal. I sat on my as*s for so long in the hospital and all those worries…..just want to focus on work a bit. I just want to spend a little time bonding with soleil as well.
On an up note-me and my husband took Neve to the pediatrician on Thursday. She went from 4.11 pounds to 5.7 pounds in a week. That made me so happy because that means that we are doing something right. Soleil is now 5.12 pounds- she’s much rounder than Neve- she actually is starting to look like a full term baby!
My husband also seems to be a wonderful dad. He worries and nurtures them already. Its beautiful to see. He’s the dad that I always wanted to have- warm and caring. I mean, my dad was caring but didn’t show it too much, but he was never really warm. But yet, we still feel so uneasy in our home- we wont be a family until our little sunshine returns.
I have a few new pics of neve- but refuse to put them up without pictures of soleil. I tend to run out of my house and forget to bring a camera to the nicu.
Soleil Bathtime
