Archive for July, 2007

Scare

I had quite the scare yesterday.

Yesterday afternoon I felt a bump in between the right side of my rib cage. When I touched it, it would hurt. I was worried. I mean I knew it couldn’t be a foot because of the location. I called and left a message with my doctor. He called me back at about 6:30pm and I explained what was wrong. He said it could be anything but wanted to know what it was for sure and suggested I either go to the labor and delivery unit where he was working a double shift that night or wait to see him on Wednesday morning. I decided to go to the hospital that night to see him.

Once there, I filled out paperwork and then the nurses asked me for a urine sample. As I was headed for the bathroom I ran into my doctor outside. He checked the bump with his hand and said “Oh, this is nothing- it’s just a bunch of fat cells a lymph node. Youre ok, you can go home”- that was it! He said that it might have already been in my system but that the pregnancy brought it to the surface. So nothing to worry about. He didn’t need to examine me or take my sample. I secretly wanted a sono to see my babies, but I guess I will have to wait until next Thursday.

It was quite the scare though. I mean, suddenly feeling a bump on your side when you are pg is scary. At least I am attune to the goings on and can be on top of things.

My husband is great though. On Monday’s he wakes up at 3:45AM to go to work. When I got home at 6:45pm and told him that I needed to go to the doctor he suited up and was ready to go although he was exhausted. He never complains! He has really been the model husband since this pregnancy started.

He never complains about doing extra housework or coming grocery shopping with me (since I cant lift anything heavy). He will do things for me at the drop of a hat. So sweet. He is super-dad! I joke with him and say that my word is law since I am now 75% of this family. He laughs. I am currently 3/4 th’s of this family. How strange is that?

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Keep On Truckin’

Another Monday.

Seems as though the weeks have been flying by since this pregnancy started. I love that!
On Friday I went to see the Simp.sons Movie. Apparently so did the rest of the world. We got there an hour prior to the start time to get good seats- there were hoards of people. It’s also a time when parents take their young kids to see films. The audience was packed with children screaming. As we took our seats I saw a little girl coming down the isle above ours and I told my husband she looked like trouble. Boy was she ever! She would not stop talking throughout the film and kept kicking my husband’s seat (he was too embarrassed to say anything to her- so I did in a polite way and then she stopped). She was cute. I knew she was trouble though because she reminded me of me when I was a child. Loud and in charge!
As I sat there with all the screaming children who were ruining my film experience I wondered to myself if I will ever gain patience with children.. I love them so much but my patience is limited. I hope that once I am surrounded by kids 24-7 that will change and I will be in mommy-mode and tune out everything and everyone. My husband on the other hand has massive amounts of patience with kids. I sometimes see him with his 5 year old nephew and he can play with him for hours! I seriously am in awe of this. At least we are both aware of our strengths and weaknesses- and I know that he will be the one that the kids will play with most of the time and because of this they will probably adore him more than me. I will be the more straight-laced parent. And I am ok with that because I will be the more creative parent that will do things with them that my husband wont.
As I am writing this I want to take a nose -dive into my keyboard. I am just so exhausted! I mean I slept for 7 hours last night but no amount of sleep shakes this tiredness I feel. I also have a bunch of headaches all the time. I guess this is completely normal for my first pg and seeing as though I am growing two little people inside of me- who knew it would take so much out of me?
My next doctor’s appointment is next Thursday- it’s so far away! I wish I could go this week but a part of me wants to wait until next week because my chances of knowing the sexes will be better at 17 weeks.

Also I have been thinking a lot about names lately. I have NO boys names. None. Me and hubby cant agree on one. I need a name that will work in the US and in Israel since we are most definitely going to be moving there once my husband finishes his degree. The names cant have an “R” in them…. so we are pretty clueless. We have a girl’s name all picked out. One that I had lobbied for since the beginning of this marriage- after much persuading , the husband is on board. Yeahy!

But again, this whole boy name thing has got us side-tracked. My mom is returning from Israel on Sunday and said that she had bought us a baby name book. I hope it’s a good one because I am for once in my life clueless. Gosh- what if Im having two boys? Then I’m in real trouble!

If I am going to have a boy/girl combo I will fool everyone and say that I am going to name them Brenda & Brandon. That should produce a few shocked faces and will get a laugh out of me.
:)

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Ramblings of the day….

It’s strange to think that one year from now my life will be completley different. I dont htink that anything in my life will ever change like this huge life event coming up.

I mean this is larger than life (much like my thighs).

It’s funny how I see pics of celebs that are pg and they look thin all over but have a belly bump. Who looks like that?

I’ll tell you who doesn’t: me!
It’s funny how you grow all over- not just in your belly! Well, a few lucky chosen ones only grow in that area.
But I love the thought that I am pregnant and have two little human beings inside of me. Its such a strange thought because it’s not like I feel them yet. The only reason I know they are there are from the sonograms and protruding belly.It just feels unnatural. I mean I know that its the most natural thing in the world, but when you are IF and it seems like it’s happening to everyone but you- it’s not something that seems or comes naturally (especially if you got pg through ivf). So why would that feeling change within a matter of 4 months?
It reminds me of being overweight. Most of my life I was about 50 pounds heavier than I should have been. I had always been viewed as “Chubby” and “pleasantly plump”- my entire life. Then within a matter of a few months I dropped the weight- but that didn’t mean that I didn’t feel overweight. People were treating me differently and I saw something else in the mirror but it takes quite longer for your mind to catch up to your body… and I think that’s whats happening to me. I wonder when I’ll feel pregnant. When I give birth? Ha. This is all so surreal. You would think that being 3.5 months pg with twins would change that- but frankly it doesn’t.
Everyday after work when I arrive home my husband comes and greets my belly. He kisses it and says “hello guys.. I love you”. Last night he said that he feels love for them already. I don’t know if I am there yet though and I think its because it has not fully sunk in yet. Is it weird that I don’t “love” them yet? Should I? I mean I haven’t seen them yet or had that bonding moment. I don’t eat certain things, stay away from hazardous situations, feed them whatever they are craving (wink wink) and make sure I am healthy and well rested. But can I call it love- no, not yet anyway…
I hope that doesn’t make me a horrible person.
So tonight I am going to see the movie I have been waiting for … the Simpson’s movie. I will let you know how it is but I may be a little bias because I have loved the show since it was a short. Hope you have a great wknd ladies!

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Bathroom Run

I pee so much! DAMN.
I really should have a port-a- potty in my purse. It’s funny- I mean I’m only three and a half months along and I look and pee like a woman who is in her 6th month. I purchased a new bra the other day on my shopping spree. I was once a 36C….. I am now a 38E! That’s just insane. What will my breasts look like in 3 months- let alone after I am done breastfeeding? I will be able to throw them over my shoulder.

One thing I noticed this morning- I wasn’t nauseated! I mean I know it might just be a fluke and all… but hopefully this is a sign that the morning sickness is letting up a bit. I am tired all the time though, and I don’t think that’s going away soon… like my doctor said “it’s just the beginning”….
My life has become pretty boring. Now it’s all about the pregnancy, and once they are born I am sure it will be all about the babies… One thing I have noticed though? There’s a strange weird competition among pregnant women. Is it just me who thinks so?
I mean, if I walk in the hallway (at work) and run into another pg woman, she eyes me… but in a way like “oh, I’m bigger than you- farther along” as if it’s a competition. I know it sounds crazy but damn I feel it. So does it start that early? I know that women with babies are constantly competing with one another about who’s child potty trains first or walks first… I don’t like that world, but I too will probably be sucked into it begrudgingly.
And in a way that is why I would love to have one of each- a boy and a girl. I want one of each because when you have two boys or two girls, they are constantly being compared to one another. If one twin walks first, or one twin talks first…I feel that if you have one of each people are less likely to compare them to one another. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but my fear is that my twins will be compared constantly.
On another note I have finally decided to get off my ass and start pursing my passion. As Ive stated before I draw and have cartoons that I have created. I would love to see it get animated one day. I need to create a story bible which includes character bios, drawings, and story synopses. I believe that it could be very successful, and I am fortunate enough to be able to know the right people to present this to. I have put it off for so long but I am finally going to do it. I am actually in middle of doing it as we speak. I know this is the time to do it because I will not have any time once these babies are born (GD willing). It’s now or never! Wish me luck!

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8 Facts

I have been tagged by K for 8 random facts about me. I am not too sure that it needs to be disturbing facts.. but that’s the route she went and I will go the same. Get ready.

8 random facts about me.

Here are the rules:Let others know who tagged you.Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts. Players should tag 8 other people and tell them they’ve been tagged. Disturbing facts. It’s gonna get dark up in here.

1- Well as most of you know I have a sixth sense. I can sense things that I shouldn’t. I once bought a book by James Van Praagh where he teaches you how to be aware of the forces around you and communications. I read it and I will not lie, at night I started hearing things and sensing things that I was NOT happy about. As if I had allowed myself to be open to these communications, whatever you want to call them. At night I would sometimes feel as though something was tapping me on my shoulder as I slept (no one was in my room) and I heard strange voices. So one night I lay in my bed and said out loud that I respect whatever it was that was trying to communicate with me, but that I was not ready for it. That was it. No more tapping on my shoulder, no more communications. Thank GD! I know it sounds crazy, but this stuff runs so deep into my family that I know that if I wanted to I could get to levels that most people cant. I choose not to.

2- Two nights before my grandmother passed away last night I had a dream about her. She was wearing a long white dress and had a light around her. She looked beautiful. I awoke and knew it would not be long before she passed. I called my mother that day (who was by my grandmother’s bedside) and told her that she should be prepared because my grandmother was going to let go soon. She did.

3- I have a triple nipple. There I said it. I do. It doesn’t look like a nipple though. It’s right below my left breast (which is where most triple nips are). I discovered it about 4 years ago. I always thought that it was a birthmark until further inspection. No one would be able to tell that it is what it is. I am embarrassed by it and when these babies are out, I want to get it lasered off if possible. I was so afraid of telling my husband when we were together. I felt that I needed to share, so a year before our wedding I told him. His reaction? He said that it just proves that I am unique! He loves it and says that I shouldn’t get rid of it. He said that now each baby, and himself will get to have one. Yes- he’s nuts… but I love him.

4- Freshman year of college: I went to a goth club in nyc . It was fun! I wore ripped stockings, a black skirt and top, gloves, did my hair all weird and put on tons of dark make-up. It was quite the experience and it made me realize just how normal these goth kids are! I hung out with a bunch of them that night and they were so nice and non-judgemental. They also did NOT do any drugs!

5- Sophomore year of college: Went to an S&M Club/Bar. It was a lot of fun! A bunch of friends and I decided it would be funny to go. It was. Since I was the resident virgin of the group, they decided to pool their money together and have me whipped by a beautiful half naked man. This Greek god grabbed me, dragged me on stage after my protesting- tied me up and blindfolded me. He then proceeded to bend me over and whip me! It wasn’t a joke- it really hurt! I asked him to stop but that only egged him on. When he was done he put a cherry in my mouth. That was hot. (I have pictures but will not post) :) ~

6- As a child I loved the Flinstones Vitamins. My mom would give me one and then I would proceed to sneak into the kitchen, climb into the cabinets and get more. I would eat them like candy!

7- I once od’d on Tylenol- not on purpose! I have always had terrible cramps during aunt flo. One particular month I took about 28-30 pills in a span of 24 hours. I passed out during an advertising class. An ambulance was called and I needed to drink liquid charcoal to get the poison out of my system. Charcoal does not taste good. Once they checked to see that the Tylenol had not damaged my liver, and before they released me, I had to undergo a phsycological evaluation for them to know that I wasn’t trying to commit suicide. I sat with them and told them that they could talk to my doctors and they would attest that I have horrible cramps and that I usually relive them with pain killers. It took a while, but they finally let me go that night.

8- I cant spell. I really cant. Yes I am college educated and have a great job at a wonderful company… but my spelling is like an 8th graders. Thank GD for spell check!

Now I Tag:

Stacie, Mony, Blonde Ambitions, Faith, Chas, Dawn, TopCat, Hopeful Mother, Sub Sadness

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Clothes Shopping, Anniversary and More

I think I just bought the entire Motherhood Store.
I decided to go shopping today since I have NO clothes. I came to this realization after looking at my king sized bed covered in a clothing explosion. Every morning I take out clothes from my dresser or closet and try them on to see if they still fit. They don’t. Nothing. After giving up this morning I started surfing the web at work and came across the motherhood website that said SALE!
There’s a store near my job so I took my lunch break and went. I had never been there before- the store is awesome. It was a combo of destination maternity/ pea in a pod/ motherhood/ Maternity Spa. I only had an hour and I was going to make it work. So I started grabbing everything in sight- I felt like I was on supermarket sweep. Everything was on sale!
Of course I grabbed all the shirts in a medium when in reality I am now a large. I am only 3.5 months pg! The larges still have more room to grow. Who knows how long I will fit into them.
The store was unbelievable. The saleswomen were great they asked me if I wanted water or juice… and brought over bottles- they were so attentive. There was even an area for husband’s with flat screens all programmed to the sports network! How insane? I think they realize that no pregnant woman likes to clothes shop (even the most die hard clothes horse… like I was pre- pg) so they want to make the environment as relaxed and enjoyable as possible.
Anyway I bought all the shirts in Larges. So get this: I bought 15 items, including a good bra (finally) and guess how much I spent? $201.00…. How great is that? I am really happy about this purchase.. but even more so I am happy that I don’t have to shop again for a long time… well, I hope not anyway.
And so I am back at work and relaxed that this clothing fiasco is behind me. The salesgirl must have thought I was crazy because I was rushing and trying everything on in lightning speed (I did only have an hour). When I tried on the bra she wanted to check the back and she was about to touch me and I yelled ” I wouldn’t touch me if I were you, I am all sweaty”! Poor girl.
On a side note.. it’s my anniversary today.
5 years ago me and my husband fell in love… at the same time. It’s not a marital anniversary even though that’s what’s usually celebrated.. we hold this anniversary to be bigger.
I’ll just give you the recap. We knew each other for years (since our parents were friend’s prior to our births), I had a huge crush on my husband forever and although he knew he chose to ignore it since he didn’t like me…. Fast forward to spring of 2002. Since my man was living in Israel we met up while I was visiting for my two week spring break vacation. We clicked, we kissed, it was nice. I went home thinking that we had a deep connection and felt that it needed to be explored but alas, I had to return to school. I bought a ticket to return to Israel that summer. Within a week of my being there.. we were living together.
One night during that week we just looked at one another and this deep strange feeling came over us… it was like the exact moment we fell in love. I started crying and didn’t say a word, and he knew why! I had fallen for him, but it would never work because he lived in one country and I in another. He fell for me that moment as well on July 24th….
So long story short, we all know how the story turns out… but today is our anniversary. My husband is not a big celebrator of anniversaries and bdays but he said he did something… we’ll see. But of course no gift is as great as these two little people growing inside of me.
**UPDATE: Sweet husband sent me flowers.. albeit they are the ugliest arrangement that I have ever seen… but its the thought that counts!***

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One of them days…..

Monday, Oh Monday…

I hate Monday’s but I hate rainy Monday’s even more. It’s been raining non-stop here in NYC. I am finally back to work. You know staying home gets really boring! I was home 4 days last week and was seriously climbing the walls! I was talking to my husband about it and he said to savor my “me” time since I wont be having any for the next couple of years.

The thought of having two little people on the way is so heavy. I mean that’s it… it’s life changing. I will always be someones Mommy. Me, a mommy? That is the strangest thought ever! I can take care of people well and I enjoy doing so. It’s like I will take the backseat to my kids. They will be the top priority.. to make sure they feel well, and eat and do their homework… etc.. nothing else will matter. I lucked out though- I have a husband who is ready and willing to be a full on partner and father. He looks at me and says that I come first and foremost in this family- a life lesson he learnt form his uncle.

His aunt and uncle have an amazing family unit. They have been married for 30 years and have 5 daughters. Each daughter is more well-behaved then the last (the eldest daughter being my husband’s cousin that is also if- who Ive mentioned before). The parents love one another so much and are never seen arguing in front of anyone. The daughters all ask their mother if she needs help constantly by clearing the dishes, doing the laundry or anything else she may need. They do these things even if the mother does not ask. Sometimes when I am over their house I sit in shock. We asked them one day how their daughters turned out so great. They answered that they put each other first.. as in he puts his wife first, before the kids and she does the same. Once the children realize that each parent loves and respects the other, it causes them to respect their parents as well. Wow. I hope that works for us.

Lately I have been so scared of losing my husband though. I think it has to do with having just lost my grandmother. The pain of losing someone you love is just unbearable. And the thought of losing my best friend suddenly… well it freaks me out. I cant even imagine that.

But anyway, enough of me being morbid right now.

Let’s discuss that co-worker that you just cant stand. Everyone has one.

I went to get breakfast for myself and my boss this morning and returned with a box full of food. This co-worker looks at me and says, “well, you are eating for three”… yeah, she said that. It’s like her I suppose. She’s so strange! When I was out this week, and she signed for packages for me, she makes a point of emailing me AND my boss to let us know she did so. I mean the only reason she does that is to let my boss know that I’m not here (which of course my boss knows). I know it. She has NO good intentions. Every time I print something form the community printer I see her over by the printer reading the papers that I just printed! Yes! I caught her quite a few times. This is really bad because my boss is pretty much the head honcho here and no one should be snooping into her business! I did let my boss know about this and she was shocked, but there’s nothing any of us can really do- this woman is a lot older than 95% of the people working here and it takes a lot to be berated here at my company. So… I just let it roll off my back.

Off topic- I was in a sorority in college. My pledge name was “Tai”…. i.e Tai from clueless. I loved that film in high school!

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Saturday

Hey Ladies,

I was sort of out of commission the past few days. Mon & Tue I wasn’t feeling great so I took Wed off of work. Thursday I went back but was feeling really run down my boss saw this and said that maybe I should take Friday off since she wasn’t going to be in anyway and we have summer Fridays (where we get to leave at 1-2pm).. she told me to get some rest, and I did. Feeling much better! So yesterday I stayed home with the hubby.

My husband has a really weird work schedule. He has two days off a week which are Friday and Sunday, so we never have two consecutive days off together. He hates it because he never feels as though he can really rest since it’s a day here and there and I understand that. But he makes good money and he’s been at the job for almost two years now. Plus with this job he gets to go to school full time, so his boss is OK with him working three days a week when the semester begins.

On Saturdays I get bored out of my mind because my hub isn’t home and he takes the car to work.. I’m pretty much a prisoner in my own home. I wont be feeling this way when the kids are born because I will be too busy to be bored.

Yesterday we got the last two pieces to our new living room. So exciting! Everything looks as great as I thought. It’s funny how you can make your apt or house look amazing on little $.

I am still stressing a bit over finding a bigger apt so we can have a bedroom for the kids, but my husband seems to think that we should stay in our current apt until they hit a year. To me that makes no sense at all. I want them to have their own bedroom while we have our own privacy as well. The problem is, that you need to spend another $500 for another bedroom when you are renting. So, if your rent for a 1 bedroom is $1000, a two bedroom would be $1400-1500. That’s crazy!

He thinks that we should take the year to save and then move out.. but I don’t think he realizes that kids cost a lot of money and I’m not sure just how much were going to be able to save after all is said and done. I don’t want to be like the lady who lived in a shoe! I mean, I would absolutely consider that if we were having one, but we’re having two!

By the way I am so happy about that!

We were discussing it yesterday and said that the twins are a double blessing. They get to have each other and we don’t have to rush to have another child so soon. So hopefully if all goes well, maybe we’ll have another when they kids are 5. I wonder how long our frozen embryos can stay frozen. My clinic said something like 4-5 years. Have any of you heard any different? I still have 6 that we could use, but of course it doesn’t mean that all of them will survive the thaw. But then again, who knows what will happen.

It’s funny to think that I have two little beings inside of me that are unaware of who I am. I am just their portal. I think I will feel as though they are really real when I feel them kick. I cant wait for that!

Hope you all have a fab weekend!

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Hello

Hi all,
I’m feeling a lot better today but still kind of not feeling myself. On Monday and Tuesday I was having dizzy spells on and off accompanied by pounding headaches. I stayed home yesterday and rested. The dizziness went away but the headaches are still kind of around. I think I may have caught something. I spoke to my doctor yesterday because I was worried about the headaches. He said that I might be dehydrated (since I told him that I had the runs most of the morning- I know TMI). He said it would take about 6- 8oz glasses of water or liquid to bring my body back up to speed. I told him how I was surprised to be feeling this way since my pregnancy has been so good thus far. He laughed and asked “how far along are you again?”. I said 3 1/2 months. He said “this is just the beginning”… and that with twins it becomes progressively harder on the body… that it only gets worse.
Nice.
I thought I lucked out. Apparently not.
I am not complaining though because you know what- I am pregnant! I have wanted this for so long and although we were only TTC for a year before we did IVF, the thought of infertility has been looming over my head for 4 years now. Since my surgery to remove my right tube (in 8/2003), followed by another surgery to remove my right ovary (5/2004)…. the thought of it has never once left my mind. I always wondered if I would have problems getting pregnant when I would begin to try… and you know what- I did. My fears were founded. Everyone at the time had said that I had no reason to worry, that I wouldn’t have troubles.. including my former doctors… but they were wrong. My gut was right.
When I first got married in 9/2005 I told my husband that we should start ttc just in case I were to have problems. He was not happy about that idea and said that I may not have any problems getting pregnant and that we should wait since we were newlyweds. I continued for the next 7 months driving him crazy with the idea… until he finally gave in. I know he wasn’t crazy about the idea, and frankly not ready… but I knew that I needed to know if there were to be problems down the line. And you know what, maybe one of the reasons I wasn’t getting pregnant was so that my husband could get used to the idea of having a baby. With every poas that got trashed and every month of my crying.. my husband became sad as well but never said a word. He always said it would happen when the time was right.
So when it finally did happen, after the months of bcp and shots that he administered to me daily.. he was ready and happy. And I knew he was genuinely content.
So what I’m saying is, I cannot complain. I have no reason to. So I’m uncomfortable physically- big whoop. I was never as healthy as a horse to begin with. And its all for a wonderful cause.. I am bring two souls into this world (GD willing).
I am rambling today!

Still wishing I could have stayed home in bed for the rest of the week, but alas could not. My boss is pretty cool though. She asked how I was feeling and I told her why I was out. I also said that I was happy she was traveling yesterday so that I wouldn’t have to leave her empty handed (by not being in the office). She said that my first concern is to take care of those babies…. how sweet?

So that is pretty much it.

My mother is coming back from Israel in 2 weeks. She has been there for 5 weeks now, since my grandmother was hospitalized and passed. I think she would love to come with me to the sono in 3 weeks when I think the sexes can finally be determined…. If she doesn’t aggravate me until then, I’ll ask her to come.

**I am waiting for a doctor at the practice to call me back again. I am starting to have some right pain in my ear, which may indicate that I am coming down with something… we’ll see what they say. I just hate to be one of those pg women that call every day to bug them… but I truly feel as though I have a virus that’s weighing me down.

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Resting

I’m home today because I wasn’t feeling too well last night. The doctor called me back yesterday and said that I should consider staying home for a day or two to see if the dizzy spell goes away. I awoke at 4:30am running to the bathroom.. I spent a while there.

It’s a good thing my boss is traveling on business today and isn’t in the office. I am taking it easy today and trying to rest up. I’m also watching “Bringing home baby” on TLC- this one is about twins… yeah, seems easy – uh huh……

That’s all for me today- hope you are all doing well!

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