I am sad this week. I’m sad because I was pretty much told that there is a small percent chance that I will be able to conceive naturally. I have been trying to get pregnant now for almost a year. I didn’t think it would happen overnight, but I did think it would happen naturally- without the use of science.
And you know what the funny thing is? This is all happening because I had surgery to remove a large cyst that I once had.
Something that can save you can also harm you in the long term I suppose.
Isn’t that crazy? I have been through 3 surgeries in the past 4 years and I’m tired. I am tired, and I am ready to be a mother.
My first surgery was in 2003, at the age of 22. I was overweight, and was not aware that I had a 14cm cyst growing inside my uterus. Of course, that grapefruit sized tumor had to come out, with it went my newly damaged right fallopian tube.
The surgery was successful, and it made me take a good look at myself in the mirror. I needed to be healthier. I started to lose weight and eat right. I shed about 30 pounds. I was looking good, I was feeling good. I could finally wear a size 8.
Then I was told another cyst had grown, next to my right ovary. I was studying abroad at the time, so I needed to get on a plane so that I could have surgery in the states. They removed the cyst with a part of my ovary.
I thought it was all done, but seeing as though I had been trying for a year to have a baby- I figured something must be wrong again. The Dr. said he had to open me up to see what the problem was. He did.
I was told that my tube was blocked, but that he had unblocked it- and that I should have no trouble conceiving.
I waited and waited. Nothing.
I finally decided to see a fertility specialist. He sat me down and said that when a person has surgery, scar tissue forms in and around the area where the surgery was performed. The scar tissue is causing my infertility. He says I have a great chance of having a child through ivf. Without it, its a long shot.
It was quite a blow for me, but at least I now knew what was wrong.
When it happens so naturally for others it hurts. “Oops, I forgot to take my birth control pill for one day and I got pregnant”….. is what I heard from a co-worker. My mother had no problems either- my brother was a honeymoon baby. I cant believe that happens. And then I think of all those children in orphanages all around the world that were not wanted. Were a “mistake”.
I know everyone (including my husband) tells me to look on the bright side. They say at least you are still young, have insurance coverage to pay for invitro, and married. But little do most people know the mental toll the entire process takes. A few shots a day, different kinds of medication that make your hormones go crazy, weight gain, mood swings…
I know everyone (including my husband) tells me to look on the bright side. They say at least you are still young, have insurance coverage to pay for invitro, and married. But little do most people know the mental toll the entire process takes. A few shots a day, different kinds of medication that make your hormones go crazy, weight gain, mood swings…
But of course, I am ready to go through with it all. Ready to have a tiny Afro- haired baby.
The funny thing about this all? Redbook just published a letter that I had written in its letter section. They had a story on women who are going through ivf, and I started to cry as I read the article. I decided to write a letter of thanks for publishing the story. So they went ahead and printed the letter in the April Issue.
