Gemini Girl

My Shoulders Hurt.

February 9, 2010 at 1:00 am · Filed under From my mind's eye

I’m sick and tired.

I am sick and tired of always being the one to lift everyone else up.

Who the fuck is around to lift me up?

I have been the sole bread-winner in my household for some time now and I am tired.

I am tired and fed up.

I REFUSE to allow more time to go by where all I do is work, not see my kids- all for what? For more fucking roadblocks in my husband’s education?

I can’t do it anymore.

So we decide on Israel and he has “doubts” he’s “scared”

Yes, we’ve been over this.

I lift him up daily only to have to give him the positive, rainbow- filled, speech EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

I am tired.

My neck and shoulders are sore.

I feel like my insides are eating away at me.

I’m scared too, but who is there for me to tell me it will be OK?

Certainly NOT my husband. He’s too busy cowering in the corner, clutching on to his “doubts” and “scary scenarios”.

I tell him we can’t stay here- WE CAN’T PAY THE RENT DAMN IT. What the fuck else are we suppose to do?

If he wants to go to school and have a career- this is the only way to do it.

I can’t always be the strong one.

I just can’t.

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So It’s Actually Happening.

February 8, 2010 at 1:00 am · Filed under Family, Moving

My husband and I had thrown out the idea of moving to different places this past year. First it was after our trip to L.A last January when we absolutely fell in love with California. That was scratched when we realized that L.A was just as expensive as New York.

Then it was Atlanta, where we could totally make a go of it on one income.That was scratched as well when we realized that we would have no safety net.

But this time it’s different.

We are really moving to Israel.

I’ve been feeling so conflicted about it.

When we took the girls to Israel when they were 6 months old to meet their family, we kind of mentally assessed the living/lifestyle there. We liked it. It was different this time around because now we had a family. It was such a wonderful place to raise a family. We were engulfed by so much love it was overwhelming. It really feels nice when you receive love when you didnt know just how much it was missing.

So for my girls, I know it is the right move.

My husband also looked into a school which is known to be the “Harvard of Israel” and will work VERY HARD to get accepted into that school. It is not easy to get accepted there, but once in – he can pretty much have any position he applies for. Just knowing that he might have a chance in that school is lifting his spirits.

His brother called him last night and tried to convince him to stay in America. Says that it would be a waste to lose all the credits he’s acquired so far. You know what I think? I think his brother is a douche who only thinks about himself. He knows damn well that we don’t have much of a choice. His brother is also the kind of guy that ONLY thinks of himself (even before his wife and children) so I know that by us moving back home, he is worried that we will somehow take his share of things (land, etc).

He can suck it.

Oh, and by the way- did I mention I am moving to a farm?

Yes folks- that’s right.

“Farm Living is the life for me….”- singing that in a za za gabor voice

This should be interesting.

Me and my high heels.

I don’t like dirt and my girls will be COVERED in it.

But at least I will know that they are having fun.

I can always hose them down outside.

I broke the news to my OVERLY DRAMATIC mother who happen to take the news surprisingly well. She knows its the best thing for us right now. It felt so out of left field to hear that from her.

On Thursday, we have an appointment with the Israeli Embassy.

I guess we will be much smarter then.

***

This weekend was spent cleaning out our closets (no small feat since we are hoarders) and it was NOT PRETTY. We threw out soooooooooo much unneccessary crap. We needed to throw a lot of things out because we are hauling our crap over via shipping container, and the more stuff you have – the pricier it is!

Box taken from apt building's basement- don't judge.

It feels therapeutic to let go of stuff.

Things I threw out:

Autographed Pictures of” Actors” who were on the soap Passions.
A poster board that I stole from props when I was an extra on Mad About You. What- I never told you about that?
My headshots from 1998 when I tried (and failed) to be an actress.
A painting that I made when I was 16 that was ALL BLACK with a tiny person huddled in the fetal position on the ground. Teen Angst much?
SCRAPBOOKS. so many scrapbooks.
Poems from the teen years. I will totally scan them one day. I promise. One the lines may or may not be “At Night I cry into my pillow so tight”

I could go on.

But I wont because I love you all too much.

What kind of random stuff have you found cleaning out your house?

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We’re Going Where?

February 4, 2010 at 4:56 pm · Filed under Say What?

Whoa is me Blog Friends.

Whoa is me.

So remember when I wrote about our plans to move to Atlanta?

Well, that’s NOT happening.

You know what is?

We are moving to Israel.

Like soon.

Like by summer time.

How did this happen?

OK.

Well, as most of my readers know, my ENTIRE family lives there (besides for my parents and brother). Mom is eldest of 7, Dad is 1 of 9. I have about 60 FIRST COUSINS, 28 Aunts & Uncles and that does not include my husband’s side of the family (husband is from Israel).

So.

We have a big family there.

Picture My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Multiply that by 3.

I am an Israeli citizen (you become a citizen automatically when your parents are citizens even if you were born elsewhere)

If you are an Israeli citizen who has lived abroad for more than 5 years – the Israeli Gov helps you out financially They pay you a lump sum every month, and there is Universal Heath Care.

We. Just. Cannot. Afford. To. Live. Here.

I feel defeated, my husband feels defeated.

If we were to move to ATL, he would have at least another 3 yrs to finish his degree. If we move to Israel (where we have a roof over our heads) it would take 4.

I am ok with 4 years, as long as I am not homeless.

I am ok with 4 years if we are surrounded by our loving family who miss us and want us back.

I am ok with 4 years if that means my girls will have ACRES of land to run around in and play with their TWIN COUSINS who happen to be 5 months younger than them (oh, sweet irony)

Twin Cousins

I am ok with 4 years because we wont have to worry about how we are going to pay our rent while only living off of one income.

Am I scared?

HELL YES.

New York is all I have ever known.

I can navigate these streets like no one else.

I have been to all the hip bars and restaurants.

I have worked for a WONDERFUL company which has allowed me to go to VIP events and enjoy myself.

BUT ALL I DO IS WORK.

I don’t get to be a mom.

I am a weekend mom and I hate it.

Yes, working has afforded me some piece of mind.

But I don’t want to JUST WORK.

Why did I have kids- so that I can see them on the weekends?

NO.

This move will be good in many ways.

It will be scary in others.

But to know that I have a father- in- law who is waiting for us with open arms… that is adamant on us living right above him (in a separate apt) and to pay for my husband’s schooling?

How many people have that?

And then to complicate the matter, I want to go through IVF again before we leave.

It’s free to have it done here (via my company) and I already have 6 frozen blasts. I don’ want to have to go through all the daily shots and blood work again.

The mental anguish.

If we do it here- and if by some grace of G-D I do become pregnant, I will be able to take a year off and just stay home.

To be a mom.

To bond 1:1 with a baby.. something I couldn’t do with the girls.

Something that was robbed of me.

We so terribly want another child.

It may not be the right time, but I am NOT getting any younger.

Plus, I have fertility issues.

My husband thinks it’s the WRONG time. But then again, he felt the same way last time. If I would have listened to him then… we wouldn’t have our beautiful girls.

So I just called the IVF clinic. I am making an appointment for sometime next week.

There is a saying in hebrew that goes “Leshanot Makom… Leshanot Mazal” – which mean you change your luck when you change your location.

I pray that it applies here.

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Melawah Anyone?

February 2, 2010 at 8:20 am · Filed under I'm Yemenite Yo, what we eat

As I’ve mentioned before, my maternal grandparents and my husband’s (paternal & maternal) grandparents were from Yemen. Yemenite people have amazing food- albeit artery clogging.

The Yemenites use a lot of dough and butter (yummmm butterrrrrrrrr).

This dish below is called Melawach and it is STORE BOUGHT (who has time to prepare such a thing? not I my friends, not I)

The packaging- takes 3 minutes to cook

Put the dough in a buttered pan and close lid

Getting crunchy on the outside.. yum

Ready to eat in all it's glistening glory

Oh wait.. hello there, sour cream. Let's hook up

On second thought, let’s leave the sour cream out of it… how insanely fattening is this piece of flat fried dough-bread, you ask?

400 CALORIES & 19 G OF FAT!!!

We do not eat it often (mommy almost never), but when we do- there may or may not be melawach stealing going on:

She took my fried yummy goodness!

Enough said.

Is there a dish that you make or enjoy that may not be considered “main stream”? If so, share!!

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Meet the Newest Member of My Family

February 1, 2010 at 1:00 am · Filed under My daughters, Pictures

My Canon Rebel!

I have wanted one since I first saw the pictures they produce. It is a bit expensive, so I kept putting it off. That is… that is until I realized that I am OMG going to Ireland in a week and a half.. and I cant take my crappy Point & Shoot. I am so not knocking P& S it’s just that with the amount of pictures that I take, I pretty much ruin them.

My husband knew just how long I’ve wanted one, so when I told him I ordered one- he was actually ok with it.

Little did I know, my husband is now OBSESSED with the camera- he takes pictures of everything.

Don’t believe me?

Boiling Water

Onion

But if course, the real reason we bought this camera:

I think this is the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL friendship.

What kind of camera do you have, and why do you love/ hate it?

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Delurk Much?

January 28, 2010 at 12:21 am · Filed under prematurity

I have a bit of writers block since I’ve been confined to my bed due to the lovely side effects of my new chiropractor (apparently you can have flu- like symptoms after having chiropractic work done while your body, muscles and nerves adjust).

I’ve decided to make today’s post a delurking one. Delurking means to come out from behind the computer screen and leave a message.

Reach out and “Touch Someone”- in a proper way of course.

If you have commented before, comment again!

If you never have -go ahead and leave a comment!

I would love to get to know some of you (since you all know a lot about me!)

Tell me something about yourself.

For example: I HATE ANYTHING orange flavored but LOVE oranges.

I know, crazy.

For every comment I will donate $1.00 to the March of Dimes ( BABIES!!)

*You know, unless I get a million relpies… bec then I would be broke yo*

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She’s Not Going to Massage Your Back

January 26, 2010 at 12:28 am · Filed under Uncategorized

My back has been out since Friday. I awoke with a soreness, but it got worse as the day progressed. On Saturday it was so bad, I couldn’t lift the girls.

At all.

Or move my neck.

On Sunday I woke up feeling better. That is until I sneezed. My neck and back stiffened up and I could not move.

My mom massaged my back. I asked her to do this since they say that the first-born child in every family has magical healing powers in their hands. Umm, no idea who came up with this old wives tale, but it’s sort of been passed on from generation to generation in my family. Since my mother is the oldest, I asked her to massage me. She had no problem. I told her I asked Neve to massage me, but she didn’t want to. My mom responded “Well, she’s a baby. She’s not going to massage your back!”

My humor is obviously lost on her.

***

I had company over last night. This was a toughie for me because of the pain I was in, but I had already made the plans.

My husband’s former neighbor from Israel lives in our city. it’s kind of strange that from a tiny farming village in Israel, they both ended up here. And ironically, he ran into her where? At our IVF clinic when I was going through fertility treatments! She was older and newly married, and after having 3 embryos implanted, one of them took and produced a son.

Gotta love our fertility clinic.

***

I went to a chiropractor today for the first time ever. I searched for one in my insurance directory and came across one who was located a block away from work.

I went during lunch.

She has a small office and no secretary.

There were no other patients.

I started to wonder.

She was also a bit off, but aren’t we all?

She did some sort of ultrasound on my back and pushed and pulled on me and determined that I have some sort of slipped something or other in my neck that is pretty bad.

I left there feeling MUCH better.

I have another appointment this week. I always knew my back was not aligned and funky. Now I have the proof.

***

So, we all know that Baby Spohr was born on Friday. I sat and cried when I heard. I needed for this to go right. I needed this for Heather and Mike. Heather and I are sort of intertwined by fate. We both had the same type of pregnancies with our firsts, at the same exact time. Hell we would even watch the same episodes of Fresh Prince sitting in our respective hospital beds across the U.S. Our girls were born 2 days a part. They were preemies. A few months after my girls were born, Heather found my blog and emailed me. We call one another soul sisters…. and always say that our girls were intertwined somehow.

When Maddie passed, it was personal. I always saw her as an extension of my girls. I always had fun sending her things. She was so animated. And then she was gone. And it broke me. And then Heather told me she was pregnant when she was 8 weeks along. And I screamed.

I kind of knew it was going to happen, because I had a dream.

I can’t wait to love on Annabel.

Shamelessly stolen from Heather

***

I came into work today and there was a voicemail from my cousin. This cousin.

F1150014 108_3310

My partner in crime.

She has been married since March of 2007, and has been trying to get pregnant ever since.

Until now.

She’s pregnant.

I am over the moon.

She told me she’s thinking of the name Anna for a girl.

Two important Anna’s in my life.

***

2010 is kicking ass so far.

Ever been to a chiropractor before? I’ve heard some horror stories. If so- please share.

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Just Call Her Micky

January 21, 2010 at 11:24 am · Filed under Sol

I usually walk through the door at around 6:35pm on work days. At that time, the girls are usually eating their dinners and strapped into their high chairs.

We have toddler plates that are divided into 3 sections. We place a protein, a carb and a vegetable. ALWAYS.

Although Neve is not a fan of vegetables AT ALL (esp if they are green) I make sure to still put a veggie on her plate in the HOPES that she may one day look at a string bean and say ”hm.. I’ll give you a try. CHOMP CHOMP… why have I never known how tasty you are??? Run Away with me…. “ – or something of that sort…

I have always been a fan of vegetables. No matter which one it was, my mom would put it on my plate and I would eat it. I like to eat.

Soleil is JUST like me. She will try and eat anything. I love that she is adventurous. It makes me smile. Not only does she look like me, she has my food preferences.

Neve, on the other hand is JUST like her dad. My husband is not a vegetable fan. He loves starches and carbs. If I could cook the same 4 meals over and over again on rotation, he would be happy.

I hate this about him, because I am a secret foodie who LOVES to cook. Unfortunately for me, I picked a man who doesn’t eat anything (eats to live, unlike me who LIVES to eat). He wont touch 98% of vegetables with a ten foot pole. He doesn’t eat red meat, sea food, etc.

And now my first-born, is following in his footsteps. It makes me wonder if it’s nature or nurture.

At this point, it’s safe to say its nature.

So last night, I sat with the girls while they finished up their dinner. I decided to bring out the tub of frozen yogurt and a spoon and give them each a little bit as a treat.

As I was giving each girl their spoon full I would say “One for Neve and one for Soleil”. As I kept repeating it, Soleil interrupted me to finish my sentence.

She kept saying “Soleil, Soleil”….

My mouth dropped.

My heart was overflowing with joy.

She finally said her own name- and she knew it was her name.

I know that by this point most children say their names. They are over 2 years old. But for me, it meant so much more.

Up until this point, they have both called each other Neve. I hear that’s fairly common in twins.

But to hear her say her name… Soleil… the name that I chose for her.

The name that would get me a head tilt/ puzzled looks from people when asked what I was going to name my girls.

The name that I had to fight my husband for (he knew he couldn’t go head to head with me… after all I was the one who went to hell and back to have them and give birth to them).

The name that my father-in-law still can’t pronounce (he now calls her Micky).

The name that everyone cannot spell.

The name that I had vowed to name my future daughter since I fell in love with it at age 18.

The name that means Sun…. and she is my sun.

My sunshine girl.

Soleil.

What does the name you chose (or will choose) for your child mean to you?

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A Night Away.. plants seeds of Change.

January 19, 2010 at 5:52 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

I spent a nice long weekend with my family.

I made (or attempted to make) Pink pancakes for my girls on Saturday:

Unsure of this mom

(when they are old enough to appreciate pink pancakes- i will be the “cool mom”)

We went to the Park:

And spent some quality time together as a family.

***

The other day Affinia hotels was running a contest promoting the season premier of 24. If you tweeted about it, then you were entered into a giveaway where you could stay at their hotel for $24.00 a night. Sounded good to me, so I tweeted about it a few times.

A day later, I received a direct message from them with the special promo code! I booked the room for Sunday night, which was perfect since I wasnt working the following Monday (MLK holiday).

My mom slept over my house to watch the girls, and off we went into the city for our night away. Mind you, we have never taken a night away (to the city no less). I don’t think I ever slept in a hotel in Manhattan before (since I live within the 5 boroughs).

Let me tell you, for $24.00 – we got an AMAZING little room!

We didn’t let the foul weather stop us from going out to dinner:

We went to an adorable Moroccan restaurant a few blocks from the hotel… I LOVE middle eastern food. Love.

Hummus, Eggplant Salad - Yumms

Veggie Cous Cous

Although when we realized how high our bill was going to be, we decided to start shoveling the food down.. you know, to get the most for our money.

We then went straight back to the hotel, bought some snacks (yes, more food- don’t judge) and watched the Golden Globes. I was so HAPPY Micheal C. Hall won for Dexter…you could tell he’s been sick, poor guy..

A very well deserved win

MONIQUE!!! I have yet to see Precious (I will as soon as it’s out on DVD) but I hear her performance was amazing. Did you all know that Monique does not believe in shaving her legs? G-D bless her. I mean, I usually walk around like that myself, but not out in public… or when I win a Golden Globe.

***

So after the golden globes (which I truly enjoyed thanks to Ricky Gervais) we started watching HGTV. We came across a program about people who were house hunting. The episode we stumbled onto was about a couple in Atlanta looking for a home. The homes they were shown were HUGE! The prices were so low, you could never ever get a house like that in New York for that price.

That got me thinking…

Maybe we should move to Atlanta.

I spoke to a few friends and co workers (my company’s headquarters are in ATL) and apparently we could live off of one salary. Since my husband is in school (which is a 3 hour commute each day)… it’s hard for him to find a job that would allow him to drop the girls off at day care, go to school, come back and pick them up. He just has no time.

If we moved to ATL he could go to a great school (ranked #5 in engineering schools) and said school happens to be across the street from our work offices!

To top it off, the school has family housing and a daycare. I commute about 2 hours a day.. to not have to do that would be beautiful. It would mean I would get to spend more time with my children.

So.. my husband applied to the school today, and I spoke to my company’s HR department.. told them I was thinking of moving in June. They will be keeping their eyes open for a position for me.

It’s scary and exciting all at the same time.

I mean, I was born and raised in NY.

I don’t know anything else.

But, I mean – why not?

The financial burden on my back is driving me a bit batty. There is no way we can continue to survive off of my paycheck in NY.

Just not possible.

I want my husband to be able to go to school and focus solely on that…

So, if all goes well.. if he gets accepted into the school for the fall/ if they manage to find me a position there… we will be moving.

I just hope it’s the right move.

Have you ever moved anywhere far from home? How was that experience?

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My Two Cents

January 13, 2010 at 5:42 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

Conan/ Leno

I am SO pissed off about this. You have no idea.

I don’t think Leno is funny at all. I also don’t think that Conan is everyone’s cup of tea- but to move the Tonight Show to 12:05am? To follow Leno again? I mean why hire Conan as the host of the Tonight Show in the first place if you’re just going to want him to stay in the same time slot and follow Leno?

The press release that Conan sent out yesterday was truly a class act.

I had the privilege of seeing his show live many times when he was in New York. All I remember is Conan coming out into the audience prior to the start of the show and dancing with the one audience member who looked the most uncomfortable to be there. He was and is so genuine.

I truly believe Leno should just retire. He has been around for a long time, and he could go back to stand up- his original roots. He would sell out. He could also, you know – go out and buy more cars. He should have fallen on the sword, not Conan. Just give Conan a chance. Jay would look classier if he decided to leave. He would have much respect.

Until all this is resolved- this will be my avatar and facebook picture:

Plus, I owe him a debt of gratitude, you know for helping me name my daughter-( I first heard the name Neve from him when he announced that he named his daughter Neve O’Brien)

***

Dexter

So after I finished watching 3 seasons of Mad Men a few weeks ago, I decided to find another show to watch. I got some great suggestions from all of you- but the one who influenced me was Chastity and her facebook updates.

Dexter was going to be the new show.

Now, I have known that Dexter is always nominated for something or other, but the whole morbid thing turned me off. Dexter is a show about a murdered (Michael C. Hall who is AMAZING)- but a murdered who only kills really bad people, so you kind of have sympathy for him.

After one episode, I was hooked. The writing and acting are SUPERB (yes I used the word Superb).

I have a Netflix account, and they had a watch instantly option for the first 2 seasons… and watch I did. I was even watching it as the ball dropped. I didn’t know it was 2010 until I heard firecrackers going off outside. I was in a Dexter zombie-like trance.

Of course, now that I am on the 3rd season- they have cut me off. I need to WAIT for the DVD’s to arrive in my house. It was like a drug dealer who gives you a taste of crack for free, but if you want more you have to pay.

DAMN YOU NETFLIX and your ways!

***

Homeless Man

I have a bone to pick with Johnny Depp.

Yes, we get that you are a good actor who wants to be taken seriously for your acting chops and not your looks.

But really?

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